Wayne Wright writes in his journal, to keep us up to date as to how he and his family are doing.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007, nearly 8:00 p.m., C.S.T.~
Dear Journal~
Wayne Wright here. Sorry for not writing; with my nieces and sister spending time with us, I just don't have the free time anymore.
I also have continued to battle with my health; I have dialysis treatment three times a week; each treatment takes several hours, and afterwards it leaves me feeling spent; I then have to go home, where all I do is sleep.
In addition, I have had a stubborn bladder infection that leaves me chilled and/or feverish most evenings. It's frustrating. I'm on antibiotics to try to knock out the infection; it doesn't appear to be doing me any good. I still feel like hell, and I am worried that my kidneys may be trying to shut down on me.
Susie is talking (with help), yet she still seems distant, frightened, untrusting of most people. She won't talk much except to her mother or sisters; she even tries to shut me out--and I'm her uncle. I guess it's because I'm a man; she doesn't trust most men because most of the men in her life have only ended up hurting her.
Susie has been molested on numerous times; she's also been the subject of porno films; it's destroyed her emotionally, mentally, even physically. It's no wonder she's so messed up.
She's been undergoing therapy for her anger/fear; we don't know if she will ever recover from the long-term damage from the abuse inflicted upon her. It's really heartbreaking to think of all the hell this young girl-woman has had to endure in her young life.
Her sisters are just as messed up as she: they too, have been subjected to this same type of abuse: like Susie, they are quiet, scared, don't trust most strangers, even when they try to help them.
I have done more crying these past few months than in my lifetime; it's no wonder my own health has suffered. I've been under too much stress in my life since finding out about Audrey; while I am glad to see my sister again, it's also been nothing but one heartache after another.
I keep trying to tell Audrey about trusting in God; she won't have nothing to do with Him. She says how can a loving God allow such terrible things to happen; I tell her to trust in Him; she refuses to listen; all she ends up doing is biting my head off; and during the last fight we had, she told me (in no uncertain terms) to go to hell.
It really upset me. I was afraid I'd end up in the emergency room over that one. I got very sick not long after; I was sure Sarah was going to have to call for an ambulance on me; my blood pressure was alarmingly high (I could feel it from the way my heart was pounding inside my chest), and I was having difficulty in breathing; but I told her I didn't need to go to no darn hospital; I'd be okay once I had calmed down somewhat.
I don't know why I even bothered to let Audrey and her family come stay with us. I love them, don't get me wrong; yet since their arrival, it's been nothing but upheaval and strife for our family. The kids are fighting with their cousins, Sarah and I are stressed out to the max, and my own health has already suffered more in the past few months than in my entire lifetime. It's really been terrible!
Well, I am going to lie down: heart pounding again. Thinking of all this has my b/p going up again. I need to rest, clear my mind for a while. I will write in here again soon as soon as I can make some semblence over my life; life right now is too hard for me to deal with.
Whoever passed on the idea that God punishes, it is we that do the self beating when we pray for something that we can do for ourselves, and, when it is out of our hands and our faith is so-so, we can't expect miracles when we doubt them.
If we calm down and push frustrations aside, we would feel God warming our hearts.
Georg
There are a lot of people who can't seem to accept that God doesn't punish us, we are all His children, and He is there to take us home when He sees we cannot fight any longer. Thank you for a look at reality.
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