Title bears the sub-heading: A dark but vivid glimpse into a life of Dissociation, Self-Injury, and Incest through the mind of an adolescent.
Night fell and Cassidy lay on her bed in her oversized purple pajamas. She didn't have a clock in her room, so she didn't know the time but she knew it had to be late. She lay in bed looking up out of the window at the sky. The night sky held the light of the moon against dark blue and purple.
Glimpses of her mother flashed before her eyes as sleep beckoned her. Her mother's warm smile, her warm hugs, her warm heart . . . she missed that. She missed her mom's laughter, her mom's ability to keep her from harm. Now Mommy was gone and she was stuck here, in this lonely hell-hole she called a house, with her. . .
Footsteps coming up the stairs.
Cassidy squeezed her eyes shut trying to block out the familiar sounds. She focused on the view in her head, her mom. A soft knock at the door, and Cassidy's body responded with a shiver.
"Honey?" her dad called.
Cassidy whispered to herself, "Go away! Go away! Go away!" but that didn't help because he knocked again.
"Honey, open the door," he said. The door knob shook. "Baby, let me in. I want to talk to you that's all. Daddy won't touch."
Cassidy stayed there, on the bed, looking out the window. She stared so hard at a star in the sky; the star seemed to have displaced itself from the heavens. It gave the illusion of the sky falling, slowly lowering itself to earth. Her body slowly grew numb as the darkened sky slowly fell, and suddenly the voices were gone. The knocking ceased. The footsteps faded away.
Cassidy had used that technique ten years ago when the footsteps first occurred. She was only seven years old when her dad began making those special visits. Cassidy didn't think much of it when he came to her at night wanting to talk to her about a girl's growing body. She found it a bit odd that Mommy was always asleep when she and her dad had those special moments.
And as her dad showed her what a girl's body can do, she would lie in bed and stare at the star in the sky, watching the sky fall. Before the dark, moonlit heavens reached the earth, her dad was out of her room.
Her body would stay numb for the rest of the night, and in the morning she would go about her day as if the things that had taken place the night before were just illusions. As if she had seen them just like she had seen the sky fall; an illusion.
Cassidy remembered her dad telling her that if she told Mommy, or told anyone else and Mommy found out, that Mommy would be so angry at her she would leave and never come back. Cassidy remembered the empty, hollow feeling she felt from hearing those words. She felt that same feeling when her mom disappeared years later.
There were many times when Cassidy felt her mother's departure was her fault. She had moments where she couldn't recognize herself as Cassidy the teenager; she felt more like Cassidy the seven year old girl. When she heard those footsteps coming up the stairs, she would go back in time and become seven year old Cassidy again. She heard his warning every time, and she felt the empty hollowness that followed. If only she would keep silent until Mommy returned to her. Cassidy thought if she took her dad's warning seriously and kept quiet about his actions, that her mom would find her way back to her.
Cassidy turned over in bed and let sleep take her under.
Jennifer finally ends up in Apalachia after barely escaping an attack. She soon learns about her destiny and how her actions will 'put a friend in grave danger'. With everyone refusing to tell her more Jennifer must find answers for herself.
Night fell and Cassidy lay on her bed in her oversized purple pajamas. She didn't have a clock in her room, so she didn't know the time but she knew it had to be late. She lay in bed looking up out of the window at the sky. The night sky held the light of the moon against dark blue and purple.
