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What Not To Do At The Thanksgiving Table, Or: Don't Be A Turkey!! by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Rated "G" by the Author.
Ronee' has learned a thing or two over the years about Thanksgiving etiquette. She's young, but she's certainly not stupid.
I am only fourteen, just a kid by most adults' standards, but I am certainly no fluke when it comes to manners, particularly around important holidays like Christmas.
Or Thanksgiving.
I have learned that you're supposed to wait to dive into the food after the last "Amen" is uttered when saying grace. Adults tend to frown on you if you smash your face into the mashed potatoes or pull off the drumstick and the prayer isn't even halfway finished.
Either you run the risk of getting your hand stabbed with a fork (that hurts; trust me, I know; still have the tine marks on my hand from doing this very thing!) or the look from you-know-where, that kind of look that's guaranteed to melt your insides, turn them into butter.
My mother is really good at throwing "The Look". We kids call her "Lightnin' " or "Laser Louie" behind her back.
You also wait until the littler kids are served first because if they don't get served, there's due to be a preschool-style war, and it's not going to be pretty! Their stomachs aren't as big; their patience quota is severely lacking: they don't know the meaning of the word "WAIT"!
You try to eat all that you put on your plate; if you don't like it, you pretend to eat it anyway, or at least look like you're enjoying the food you've put in your mouth. That means no prune faces after stuffing your mouth with candied yams; you're bound to get another icy stare from the folks.
You try not to gross out your weaker-stomached brothers and sisters by showing them the contents of your mouth, although some of them will find this hilarious. YUCK.
Guess you can tell I'm one of the weaker-stomached ones. LOL
You try to act interested when Aunt Floppy talks about her appendectomy during the height of the meal, or try to laugh at the same tired joke you've heard a million times before.
You try to keep from getting food on your best holiday dress or suit. (Yeah, RIGHT. Try doing this in my family. ImPOSsible!!)
You try not to watch the clock while waiting for the football game to come on; you know it's going to be there when you're finished anyway.
You don't feed table scraps to the dog or cat; you run the risk of making them sick; their stomachs aren't like ours.
If you go out to eat, you basically follow the above advice, yet you run the risk of having kids run amuck because they're out of the house; somehow eating at a restaurant during Thanksgiving invites them to gravitate to the sweets station, and you are soon dealing with a major sugar rush.
Somehow kids behave at their worst when they go out to eat. No matter how many times parents tell them to behave, they forget all their manners, and now you have a pack of wild demons to contend with.
You should keep all four legs of your chair on the floor at all times.
If you want to join the table where the adults are eating, you do not gain favor from the adults when you yell: "Gobble, gobble, gobble!" at the turkey.
Yes, Thanksgiving or other major holidays tend to test a person regarding to manners. I have learned about what's right and what's not regarding to etiquette.
I don't want to be an embarrassment to my parents; yet it's sometimes hard when my dad brays like a donkey when he laughs or when my mother, my sweet, demure, gentle mother, lets out a burp guaranteed to rattle the windowpanes.
I hope that you don't be a turkey and follow some of my helpful advice. On that note, Happy Thanskgiving to you and yours; may it be full of God's many blessings!
Ah, that's a nice write here. I'll be miles away but at someone's house in spirit, I guess (Can I manage that?). Maybe I'll buy a chicken that day. Will that help? Cheers
My mother is really good at throwing "The Look". We kids call her "Lightnin' " or "Laser Louie" behind her back.
Those Moms are somethin. I call mine 'The Little General' and I still get read the riot act by her when I get out of line at the old dinner table, and she's 85!
Karen, this is a delightful write--funny and humorous. I particularly like this line: "I have learned that you're supposed to wait to dive into the food after the last "Amen" is uttered when saying grace."
