"Absolutely Spectacular!", was really all that Bambiatta could say as she gazed at herself in the mirror. She was feeling glamorous, and her Givenchy perfume and light blue, glittery stiletto heels were the perfect touch.
She picked up her rhinestone studded cellphone and found her friend Queenlizbeth's number.
"Hello?" answered a refined voice.
"Dahling!" Bambiatta exclaimed.
"Dahling!" Queenlizbeth gasped.
"Are you ready for this evening's celebration, doll?" Babmiatta inquired.
"I am looking fabulous and I just - put - on - my - lashes" Queenlizbeth dashed at her eyelashes with her mascara wand at each word. "and what about you, gorgeous?"
"I think Gorgeous sums it up, dahling" giggled Bambiatta. She placed a sparkling plastic tiara atop her head and posed for the mirror. "Oh muah muah, I must call the limo now. Be there in 10!"
"Fabulous, dahling" Queenlizbeth flipped her cellphone shut and put a little more red glitter on her lips before spritzing with perfume.
Bambiatta strode outside to her silver-wth-gold-glitter limo and a man in a tuxedo helped her into the back. The limo took off slowly, and he called for the car to stop, opening the back door and bowing with a smile as he handed Bambiatta her shiny blue, sequin purse.
"Oh, thank you dahling, what would I have done without my handbag?" Bambiatta said with a glossy smile.
Queenlizbeth was posing on her porch smoking a looong, black cigerette when Bambiatta's limo arrived.
Queenlizbeth waited, looking towards the sky, as the driver came up the steps to assist her to the limo.
"Happy New Year, dahling!!" Bambiatta squealed, kissing Queenlizbeth's cheek.
They popped open the bottle of Dom Perignon that was chilling in the back of the limo and each held a glass.
"What's your resolution for the New Year?" Queenlizbeth asked.
"Hmm, a resolution. Well, dahling, you know how I've been wanting to lose 5 pounds. I mean, of course I don't need to lose the weight, but I just love to look ever so dainty. Oh, but I've also been thinking about quitting smoking, but then how silly would it be to find these new fabulous clove cigerettes, sport them at one incredible social event, and then never be seen with them again? You know, I think Rhonda already has a case full of clove cigerettes for this very party, and if that's the case then I'll say, 'well Rhonda, I see you took our advice and gave those cloves a try!' and then I'll kiss her cheek, you know I hate to make a scene, but at least then everyone will know that it was you and I that started this fad"
Queenlizbeth sipped her champagne and placed a hand haughtily to her chest, "Oh, I know, what is it with Rhonda? I think she's started wearing your very same perfume dahling, isn't that just outrageous? Well I didn't say much of course, but I did say, 'did Bambiatta arrive yet? I thought I cought a wiff of that lovely perfume she's so fond of' and then smiled in Rhonda's direction. Oh but who cares, Rhonda can be a dear and she is Georgina's little sister. Anyhow Georgina says she got me a coach purse and you a rampage nighty when she was in France, now how do you fancy that, dahling?"
"Oh the doll, I didn't know she brought us back souvenirs. Now dahling, when are we going to France? Cancun was marvelous but we felt horrid the first evening and I'm thinking it was the ice in those mohitos, but I suppose it could have been the flight. It was a splendid vacation though, and now Georgina's been to France and all and perhaps she coul deven give us some hints on good hotels and such", Bambiatta replied. "Oh, yes, the resolution. Oh I don't know, I mean losing 5 pounds was something I was planning on doing anyway but I suppose it counts as a resolution. Oh but aren't you going to miss this year, darling?"
"Of course I will, it was such a fabulous year" Queenlizbeth exclaimed, waving her hands expressively.
"Still is a fabulous year, for 3 and a half more hours", Bambiatta sighed.
"What do you think of that, dahling?" Queenlizbeth wondered.
"Well I happen to try to make each year greater than the one before, you know. Try to dress better, do more fantastic eyeliner, have a bit of trash removed from the sidewalks, things like that" Bambiatta took a sip of champagne and retrieved her cigerette case from her handbag. She opened the small silver case with the baroque pattern and silk lining and removed a long, purple, clove cigerette.
"That's a thought, indeed. You are so fabulous, dahling! Yes, I'm going to um . . . . plan for that trip to France this year! We shall go to France, and drink splendid champagne and eat delectable sweets and -"
"Oh, well if I'm to lose 5 pounds perhaps you'll eat my sweets, too?" Bambiatta laughed as she lit her cigerette.
"Dahling, if you don't have them with me they won't be as good." Queenlizbeth got out her powder and quickly dabbed at her face. "Dahling, we're almost there!"
Bambiatta grabbed Queenlizbeth's compact and glammed in the mirror before it was snatched back.
"Oh, don't we look smashing, dahling?" Bambiatta exclaimed.
"Simply Gorgeous, dahling!"
...and the two dahlings had an exceptional New Year's celebration.
Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part V
Thirteen Sick Tasteless Classics, Part V is humorous adult literature featuring adult content and language. The work satirizes and spoofs thirteen classic tales from U.S. and British literature, a
"Absolutely Spectacular!", was really all that Bambiatta could say as she gazed at herself in the mirror. She was feeling glamorous, and her Givenchy perfume and light blue, glittery stiletto heels were the perfect touch.
