January 28, 2008, 4 a.m. (couldn't sleep), Nashville, TN~

Dear Journal~

Jennifer Steele here. Sorry for not writing sooner; I have been so busy it's been unREAL!!

I am busy raising my son, An'twon, who continues to be a huge part of my life, working at the store as head cashier (am now training to become a department manager; it's exciting!!), and am busy with church. I am studying to go into the missions field; I would love to travel the world, spread the gospel of Jesus Christ to those who do not yet know Him.

In addition, I am still busy with my boyfriend, Chuck Grayson, who is a cop for the city of Nsahville (one of the best, I'd say!! :) ). My son just adores him, and I have taken a shine to him myself. He's funny, caring, compassionate, and not afraid to show his emotions or his tender side.

Chuck comes over when he's not at work; when he does, we talk, we watch romance flicks on the boob tube, and of course, he spends time playing with Ant, making him laugh, making sure he gets his exercise. Being cooped up in the house all winter has made him a little pudgeball; he needs to lose a little weight.

As for me, I can stand to lose about twenty pounds myself: the holidays did me in. I'm a little butterball; I weigh 200 pounds!! GAD!!

It's hard, though: being paralyzed like this, having to depend on a wheelchair is hard on a body. I try to exercise, usually end up giving up after ten minutes because I'm so winded, and I get frustrated at how slow things are going in the weight department. Since I've started my exercise regimen I don't feel like I've lost any weight (and I haven't). The only thing I've gained from that is sore muscles! *OW!*

Chuck has been good to me. He doesn't see the wheelchair first when he sees me: all he sees is a short, chubby woman with spiky red hair and snapping eyes, a woman who is only trying to get ahead in the world. He loves me for who I am inside, not for my outer shell, which is the way I want it to be.

Too many times people judge me based on my disability or they think that I can't do anything. Nothing can be further from the truth. I may be disabled, I may be in a chair, but I am NOT helpless! Oh, no!! I can lift over 100 pounds in weights easily, I can probably beat you in a race, and there's nothing I really can't do if I set my mind to it!! I am very determined!!

People also judge me because of my (shady) past. As you know, I once was gay (okay, okay, a lesbian), but I have since abandoned that, now see a man regularly, and--I feel very comfortable with it. I am not afraid of the opposite sex.

Since becoming a Christian, I've learned that God frowns on homosexuality, so I've decided to put all that behind me, focus on my life ahead, don't look back, try to be a good witness for the Lord. I think I have done pretty good; I think He thinks so too because ever since I became saved, God's been blessing my socks off!

I couldn't be any happier than I am right now.

Now if only He could do something about my sore muscles, my weight--I'd be happy!! LOL

Well, I am going to go, have to get Ant ready for school. Take care and will write in here again soon; hopefully the next time you hear from me I'll be engaged to Chuck!! LOL

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend, Jennifer Kaylin Steele. :)

P.S.: Ma and Pa are doing great; they will soon be celebrating their 52nd wedding anniversary with a cruise to Alaska. (Wish I could sneak along; don't think I could fit into their suitcase! Not at 200 pounds! YIKES! LOL)

~J.K.S.