Why does God allow a person to be born so handicapped they can't even function, do anything for themselves? What did the parents do to deserve such heartbreak in their lives? What did the child do to deserve such an awful fate?

I know there's a reason for these things to happen; however, as a nurse, I can never accept it.

I have difficulty accepting this concept because I have a two-year-old nephew, Traygan Ryan, who has cancer of both eyes. He is due to have surgery to move his eyes before there is a chance of the cancer spreading, thus, killing him, if it settles into his brain.

I have raged at God ever since this first happened. I mean, if He is a God of love, how can He turn around and punish an innocent little child that didn't do a damn thing? I'd call that a god of evil!!

I look at my little nephew, and I can't help but cry bitterly. Traygan is much too young to grasp what is happening to him; however he knows that his world is colored with pain, numerous sticks or needle pokes, strangers in white strapping him to a table so he can't move as they do terrible things to him, spending day after day in a hospital, where I'm sure he misses his mommy and daddy. He knows his eyes hurt, that he can't see well; what is he going to do when he cannot see at all?

I can't imagine it.

Besides Traygan's situation, I also have a little niece, Amberlie, aged four, who has Canavan disease. Canavan disease is a degenerative neurological disorder that causes increasing disability; it usually kills its victims before the age of five (although some people with CD have lived into their teens or twenties).

At the age of four, Amberlie is blind, cannot walk or talk, and is totally helpless. I look at her, and I can't help but get angry.

People try to tell me maybe it was God's will that such things happen; however, I refuse to believe that this is so.

Having a nephew who will soon be blind and a severely handicapped niece who is nothing more than a vegetable does not help win favor with God. In fact it is because of this that I've turned cold, bitter, resentful.

Maybe I'm wrong to think this way, but I can't help myself. How can I believe in God when all He's done is bring misery upon my family??

I've seen far too much death and/or suffering in my nursing career. Now that suffering's hit my family (twice, mind you), I am having a hard time trying to accept it. Maybe this is why I've turned so cynical because right now I can't deal  with it in my own life.