Sorry for not writing; have been fighting to get my disability. Have been denied five times (told "I wasn't disabled enough"), however, I finally recieved some good news last week: I was approved!
That means I will be getting a check every month! I will be getting something like over $2,000 a month, which will definitely help with bills and my necessities! It's been nothing short of an answer to prayer!
As you can imagine, I am tickled pink. All these years since my health problems started, I've been struggling with bills. At times I was several months behind; was on the verge of becoming homeless, losing all that I had. It was a very scary time.
It didn't make it any easier when dealing with Karla's health problems. The mounting medical bills threatened to swallow me whole; it was a wonder I didn't have a stroke or a heart attack, with all the worry/stress I was under.
When Karla became sicker, it was all I could do to keep from committing suicide, or killing her, to put her out of her misery. She really suffered, more than people will ever know. She went though hell, especially the last year of her life.
I still miss her very much.
It's been nearly a year; yet, it feels like only yesterday when she passed away. I can't talk about her without crying; it's only been in the last month where I've finally come to terms with her death.
It doesn't make it easier. I still have more bad days than good, in terms of my emotions, but they are slowly getting better.
It helps having friends keep my mind off Karla's death, it helps listening to music, visiting my friends here on the res.
I've made some new friends in Tonja Good Dog, Richelle Lightning, and Kirbi Thunder Horse. I met them at the grief sessions at the local high school that I've been going to for the past eight months; we all have something in common: we all have lost a child.
Tonja lost a baby boy (Gabriel; he was only two weeks old). Richelle lost her six-year-old daughter (Trista), who was born with all sorts of serious medical problems. As for Kirbi, she lost twin boys who were stillborn. They know what I went through in losing Karla; we are each other's support system.
We have become good friends; we visit one another (they visit me more than I visit them; easier for them to get around). Sometimes we go to the dollar movies and see a chick flick together. We also go out to watch the stars and just talk, to pass the time away, enjoy the beauty that the Great Spirit has given us.
If it were not for Kirbi, Tonja, or Richelle, I would have committed suicide. I would not be here. They've given me my life back, and I'm happier now than I've been in over a year, since Karla first took bad before she died.
My own health has gotten worse. Blood pressure still higher than what Dr. Bear would like it to be, thyroid troubles, anemia, diabetes, arthritis still giving me no end of trouble. Getting harder to walk around; now using crutches that clamp at the elbows. Had to use them because I fell a few months ago, broke my cane. (It's a wonder I didn't break myself when I fell!!)
Well, the phone is ringing; hopefully it will be my friends calling. It's Friday evening; maybe we'll take in another flick or go to Flagstaff and check out the city life there. Maybe we'll find some cute braves who need some lovin'. Yeah, I can handle that; this living by myself is the absolute shits!!
Maybe injustices are put in this world like road speed bumpers, saddly He didn't tought about those coming in wheel chairs.
Kepp them coming girl!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so glad Wyndi is going to be getting disability - those that need it are turned away, those that don't - GRRRRRRRRR A message in here to never give up - very well penned. Love the image. :)
