Weds., April 2, 2008, Alamogordo, New Mexico, nearly six in morning~
Dear Journal~
Hello! Aurora here.
Sorry for not writing; I have my good days, as well as my bad, mostly regarding my health. Diabetes still giving me fits, now having numbness in feet. "Neuropathy", they call it. I call it annoying.
Have had to get a scooter to get around; legs don't work as well as they used to. Fell last week, didn't hurt myself but for a few bruises, still nursin' them now. They look terrible on my dark skin; looks like I got gangrene! Really looks lovely--NOT!!
(The scooter was given to me by a friend, no, not Bernice, another friend named Millie. It was her mother's, but she died; therefore, she was nice enough to give it to me; knew I needed it.)
Weather here still dry; still under fire weather woes. No fires in this immediate area; however, you can still see/smell smoke from time to time; very scary.
Meanwhile, the middle part of the country is getting plagued with rains/flooding/storms; the other day Texas had tornadoes; may face another round tomorrow. I don't know if I could handle that; storms frighten the bejesus outta' me!!
Every time it storms, I'm hidin' under the bed, cryin' like a little baby! They terrify me!!
This is when I wish I didn't live by my lonesome; wish I had some of my girlfriends with me to keep me calm! My fear of storms does little to relieve my blood pressure woes; the last time it stormed bad here I worked myself into a panic attack; I had to go to the emergency room because I couldn't breathe without gasping for air.
It was not fun!!
I wish I could move somewhere where it doesn't storm--like say, Alaska!! The only storms they have there are magnetic--the Northern Lights!!
I think I could handle that...
Alaska's had two tornadoes, in Bethel. Maybe I won't live there, but anything's gotta' be better than here!!! And the storms here ain't got nothin' on Texas or Oklahoma, or the rest of Tornado Alley!!
When the skies turn black, I turn yellow. LOL
I was just cleanin' out my computer table; found some old letters from Louisiana Sandusky in Tennessee that I haven't gotten around to answering. Geez, she must think I've died. LOL
I will have to write her when I can; just haven't felt like it. Am not much of a writer; trying to write in here is like pullin' teeth! LOL
Maybe it's 'cause I'm such a terrible speller?? (Good thing my computer has Spell-Check!! LOL)
Well, I AM!! I didn't graduate from high school; only went to the eighth grade before I dropped out; school too hard on me, and kids gave me grief about my Indianness, even the Indian kids! They teased me too, called me Fatty Two-By-Four, worse names. The memories still make me cry today.
I was not very popular in school, and then people wonder why my mood's so crappy all the time!
I have a bad self esteem problem.
It's an ongoing battle to try to get through the day.
Anyway, I will have to write to Louie, tell her I am still alive, haven't dropped off the planet.
I wonder if the Sanduskys have adopted any more kids...the last time I wrote to her she was getting ready to adopt a boy from Iraq, a boy from India, and two girls from China, Vietnam. Wonder if the adoptions went through, wonder if the kids are with them now or with a different family...
Didn't get a card from her, so I don't know.
Don't get much mail anyway--except for BILLS!! GRRRR!! Those medical bills are the worst!!
One bright night in all this doom and gloom: I finally got my disability approved!! I will be getting a monthly check starting in June; I will be getting somethin' like $800 a month, which is better than what I'm livin' on now: nothing!!
I will get back pay; but how much, that's still to be determined. Still, I will have money comin' in, which should ease the financial woes considerable.
Well, it's still early here, so I am going back to bed; don't know what the day holds, but hopefully it will be halfway decent. I hate being so sad all the time!!
Take care, may the Great Spirit watch over you, keep you safe!
~Love, your friend in New Mexico, Aurora Skydancer. :)
