Well this morning I decided to see another agent.  I mean I really love Jerry but at this point I'm thinking of leaving him.  Why?  I've been a struggling actress/waitress for a couple of years now and while Jerry sends all my glossies and DVDs to every casting agent in Hollywood, I get so few auditions because of the old line that it's such a 'numbers game' and there's are so many actors and actresses competing for so few  film and TV roles. 

I'm sorry but I think Jerry is not being agressive enough with those casting directors.  I mean I read Hollywood magazine and I always see casting for upcoming parts that I think I would perfect for.  Is Jerry contacting that casting director? 

So anyways I also read a little blurb in the back of Hollywood Magazine that says "Tired of waiting for that 'big break?'  Talk to us.  We will make you a big star in no time and we require no commission or fee.  Divine Artists.

Well maybe these people are quacks because I never met an agent that doesn't ask for a commission or fee.  I mean how the heck do they make a living?  But then the only I would be wasting talking to these people would be my precious time and what the heck I've been wasting a lot of time working with Jerry waiting for that 'perfect role.' 

So anyways I talk to a fella who calls himself 'Mr B' and said he would be 'delighted' in talking to me in possibly representing me.  I mean Jerry said I could get out of a contract with him anytime especially things were not 'working out.'  Well I think dishing out food to a lot of disgruntled customers instead of landing starring roles in big budget films after a few years is definitely a sign of things not 'working out.'

So I go to the agency this morning, a small little place on Sunset Blvd.  I meet the secretary, an attractive thirtysomething brunette who calls herself 'Valla.'  Valla tells me to sit down and that 'Mr B' would be with me in a few minutes.  So I sit down and read one of those dumb women's magazines which has nothing but silly gossip in them. 

After a few minutes a tall fortysomething gentleman with jet black hair and a goatee comes into the waiting room with a big smile and says to me.  "So you are Ms Larouche, I'm Mr B."  He extends his hand.  "Please come into my office.  Valla hold all calls."

I mean this guy's real sexy looking and he's got this deep voice that a girl finds irrestible. It makes you feel kind of 'spellbound.' I go into his office and it's almost like an empty room and it's like a little dark in there.  I look at the walls and they have a beautiful mahogony texture to them.  I sit down in an old but so attractive looking wooden chair.  Mr B sits across me, his clasped in front of him on a large oak desk.  He smiles at me.  "I know what you're thinking young lady.  Why your agent can't find you any kinds of roles.    Why you're still waiting tables while an actress with half your talent has been cast in the starring role for the next big blockbuster feature film."

"I just don't undertsand it," I told Mr B.  "All these mediocre actresses who can't hold a candle to me in any audition and getting all these roles.  I mean look at that Samanatha Sams, she's in her mid twenties just like I am and she's starring in all these big movies, especially those stupid  "Teen Queen" movies.  I know I'm just as talented as HER.  I mean I never cared for those dumb teenage movies but what the heck they sure make a lot of money and I know  I can do a real good acting job playing a teenager.  I mean a lot of people  tell me that I still look and act like a teenager."

Mr B whisfully looked up at the ceiling.  "Ahhhh Samantha Sams, high school dropout, has what 2 DUIs in the last year or so?  Loves to party every night with a boyfriend, which she has a number of.  The only reason she's made it big is because her ........uncle is a big shot producer and you my dear," He gave me such a mishievious grin," you graduate from a top college like Quincy and you go to church every Sunday and you're still.......a WAITRESS, tsk tsk tsk......"

"How the heck do you know things about me like I went to Quincy and go to church every Sunday?" I shouted at Mr B.  "Only my close friends know that!"

"I have your resume and glossy in front of me so that's why I know you went to Quincy.   After talking to you I had Valla contact a casting director friend of mine to get your info.  You know you need to set up an official 'website' on the net so that any casting agent can GOOGLE you and see who you are.  All my clients have official websites and my talented IT people give them the finest looking websites.  That's the difference between Jerry and I, he doesn't tell you stuff like that, I do.  As for thinking you go to church every Sunday, you just look like that kind of girl."  He got a little terse as he adjusted his tie.  "I'm proud to be an aetheist.  Really I don't know why you would waste your time in a wooden building worshipping someone or something that.......... does not exist...Has HE IF HE DOES EXIST helped you in your acting career?"

I got a little defensive and also noticed it was getting a little warm in the room.  "I don't think you should be putting down my religious beliefs.  I think I'll go back to Jerry, at least he's honest."

"Sit down young lady," Mr B made a wide smile  as I was getting up go.  "I apologize for insulting your 'relgious beliefs' but I want to tell you if you want to make it in Hollywood.......if you want to make it ANYWHERE in this world, on this planet.....You need proper representation.....proper marketing.  Great talent, which you obviously have, IS NOT ENOUGH.  Being a little eccentric, which you obviously are, is not enough.  It's talent plus personality plus great marketing, having great contacts.   REMEMBER THE OLD SAYING IT'S NOT WHAT YOU KNOW IT'S WHO YOU KNOW.   I represent some of the biggest name actors in Hollywood today.  I also represent other people, big name directors, big name producers, big name AUTHORS, big name POP STARS, big name COUNTRY STARS, big name ATHLETES.  I have been a 'media consultant' for some big name POLITICIANS AROUND THE WORD WHO WOULD HAVE NEVER GOT INTO POSITIONS OF POWER IF IT WEREN'T FOR ME.  NEVER.  I have given people wealth, fame, power, and prestige for many many many years.  Some famous names in history a 'schoolchild' would know."

 "You know all these big shots but I never heard of you.  I mean when I looked at the Union directory for franchised agents I didn't see your name."

Mr B got a little upset.  "I don't have to advertise, that's why you don't hear of me.  But people know who I am.  THEY JUST COME TO ME.  This thing about franchised agents.  SUCH NONSENSE.  Your Jerry is a franchised agent.  I know Jerry, I've met him at a lot of 'social occasions.'  He had a stable of some well known actors a few years ago but who does he represent now?....B movie actors, little known character actors, soap actors, Reality TV actors, struggling young waitresses who like singing the French National anthem for kicks..."

I got so mad....."THAT'S IT.   I'M LEAVING.   YOU'RE NOT GONNA MAKE FUN OF ME."  How did he know I enjoyed singing 'Les Marseillaise' to give me inspiration? 

"SIT DOWN GIRL.   SORRY TO MAKE FUN OF YOU!"

I sat down very slowly.  "One more crack out of you and I walk out.  The only reason I'm still here is that I find you......so interesting."

He smiled.  "That's fine girl, so Fifi Larouche, aren't you tired of watching  that sun go up and down and no progress in your acting career because Jerry says he can't get you the right part?"  Fifi that sun goes up and down FASTER AND FASTER AND FASTER AS YOU GET OLDER.  YOU CAN'T SLOW DOWN THAT CLOCK.  You're in your mid twenties now and you're gonna find it harder to play a gen y girl and  as you obviously know 'gen y' stories are a big chunk of the dumb and silly movies and TV shows that are made today.  AHHHHHHH to see one well made movie today unlike when I was....... a little younger..........Hollywood's Golden Era,"

"You mean like the 70s and 80s?  I didn't think movies were that great back then, maybe better than now but not much better."

Mr B ignored me and said.  "Fifi when you first came to Hollywood your kid sister Pigg was a little girl, she's now a big teenager.  Pretty soon she'll be a 'sorority girl' at some fancy college, then she'll graduate and get herself a nice 'corporate' job, then she'll get married and have kids and live in a nice house with a white picket fence, be sort of a....'soccer mom. ' Meanwhile you'll still be pounding the pavement looking for acting work, living in your small apartment in Van Nuys, while PIGG HAS PASSED YOU.  You can't let any opportunities go Fifi.  YOU CAN'T WAIT TILL YOUR THIRTIES IN THIS CAREER.  THERE ARE TOO MANY YOUNG GIRLS OUT THERE GETTING OFF THAT 'HOLLYWOOD BUS' FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, HECK ALL OVER THE WORLD EVERY DAY.  A young man can wait a little till his career takes off but a young lady?  NO WAY."

"How did you know about  Pigg and that I live in Van Nuys?  Wait a minute you represent Biff right?  I'm gonna have a little talk with him when I get home today."

Mr B quietly took out a 'contract' and pen from his desk.  "Fifi I can make you the greatest actress the world as ever seen.  I've already represented some of the greatest actors and actresses in the past, people whom you and your father the lovers of classic films really admire..  Except I think you can be better than any of them.  There will be no actress or even actor who will have top billing over Fifi Larouche.  You'll get a starring role in a major blockbuster movie next week and I guarantee you will get a very very lucrative contract.  I gurantee this movie will be one of the biggest blockbusters of all time and you will be a major mega in a year. Meanwhile Samantha Sams and your good friend 'Kerry Krowley," whom I know you like so much will fail every audition they go to.  They'll be back on the streets pounding the pavement like you are right now, they'll never be a major Hollywood star again.  HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.  So sign and then I'll call Jerry myself with my cell and you can tell him you're with me now."  He gave me the contract and pen for me to sign it.

"I looked at it and noticed that as payment for representation I would have to perform some service for him."

"What is this service?  Nothing indecent I hope."

"Fifi why would your mind be so much in the gutter?  I know you're not that kind of girl.  I know far too many women to be worried about something like that.  No the service is just a small favor you'll give to me when the 'time'  Nothing you have to do now Fifi.  When the time comes you will perform that 'service' for me.  And I assure you that it is a very decent 'act.'  But that's a long long time from now as you will be a very 'young looking' and  wealthy actress for an many many many years.   it's not  something you should even worry about.   Just a little minor detail many many years from now after you have lived a long wealthy luxurious prosperous life.""

I stared at the contract a long time, then looked at Mr B.  "So I'll be young looking for a real long time eh?"

Mr B smiled.  "Many many years.  It just seems like yesterday when I was a young lad going to my 'senior prom' and now those 'girls' I knew are.....grandmothers.....even..... great grandmothers.  But then I still like them young....HAHAHAHAHAHA.  YES AND YOU WILL LOOK YOUNG FOR THE REST OF YOUR EXISTENCE AFTER YOU PERFORM THE SERVICE.    NOTICE I SAID 'EXISTENCE'. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA."

I looked at Mr B for a seconds and then gave him a sly grin.  "OHHHHHHHHHHH NOW I KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND THE 'SERVICE' YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.  I took the contract, tore it up in front of Mr B's face and sprinkled then pieces of paper and his desk.  Here's to your representation and my 'service.'  I would never sell my soul to you even if Hell did freeze over and I'm sure you wouldn't want that since you run the place.  I feel like practicing my tae kwan doe moves on you.  Goodbye 'Mr B' get yourself another gullible actress willing to sell her soul for all the wealth and money in the world.  I will be very very happy being a struggling waitress and I will stick with Jerry.  AT LEAST HE'S A GOOD DECENT HONEST MAN."

He shouts at me as I leave the office.  "YOU'LL BE WAITING TABLES THE REST OF YOUR LIFE....A 50 YEAR OLD WAITRESS LOOKING FOR ACTING WORK.  A 60 YEAR OLD WAITRESS LOOKING FOR ACTING WORK.....I'LL GO AFTER KERRY AND SAMANTHA.  THEY'LL BE A HUNDRED TIMES MORE RICH AND FAMOUS THAN THEY ARE NOW WHILE YOU WORK AT THAT.........SHERMAN OAKS COFFEE SHOP."

I look back at HE and Valla as I'm leaving HIS office and smile.  "I'm sure they'd both would  love to be represented by you, why don't you call them right now."