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Dawn Anderson

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Vanishing Vapor
by Dawn Anderson
Sunday, April 20, 2008

Rated "G" by the Author.

       
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           >> View all 22


     Flash fiction...My strange imagination at work!

He arose just before eight o’clock, almost two hours later than usual.  With the rustle of bed sheets, he pinched his eyes closed against the sunlight as it streamed through the window.  Stepping out of the bed, his feet immediately became tangled with clothing that littered the floor.  He showered, dressed and then made his way into the kitchen, where his wife of twenty-six years sat at the table.  He gulped down his coffee and answered her necessary questions with mechanical answers - the two of them unenthused partners in a tiring dance.

As he made his way out to the car, his hands quickly became numb from the unseasonably cold weather, and he noticed a scattering of snow that had left the front lawn quilted in white. 

There’s something about new fallen snow, he thought.  A fresh start - a grace, although only short-lived, for he knew all too quickly it would become trampled and tainted.

Strange as it may seem, he decided at that precise moment to leave everything behind. 

 Yes, a fresh start!  His lips worked the words without uttering a sound, and as he backed out of the driveway, he grinned somewhat defiantly.

Approaching a traffic light, he spotted a billboard, causing his heartbeat to quicken.

“Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow.  For what is your life?  It is even a vapour that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away.”  James 4:14

  Surely, this must be an omen!  He had one life to live, and who knew how much time he had left.  Now was the time to live life to its fullest, for far too often his dreams had been dashed.  Beads of moisture began to form on his upper lip, as his face burned with enthusiasm.

And it was there at the intersection that he met his fate, for in his excitement he had made a left turn at the caution light, never hearing the blare of the oncoming fire engine’s alarm.  As rescue workers struggled to pull him from his car, his eyes remained transfixed on the billboard.  Drawing his last breath, his mind drifted back to the snow that blanketed the lawn earlier that morning - and like mist, he faded away.

 

 

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Reviewed by Michael Eads 4/10/2009
How come all good stories end with someone dying?
Reviewed by Sheila Roy 10/31/2008
A shocking ending. Well done, Dawn!
Sheila
Reviewed by Mary Patterson 7/29/2008
Powerful! It held my interest, made me think in retrospect!....M
Reviewed by William Butler 7/7/2008
Very good. This is what short fiction should be.

Be well,
William
Reviewed by Shedding Light 7/1/2008
Very good reading!!!

Harold M. Nash
Reviewed by Gene Williamson 7/1/2008
Dawn, you do this so well. Glad I stopped by. -gene.
Reviewed by Art Hernandez 5/7/2008
Dawn, this one has more than meaning of life, it displays the internal thoughts and their process of becoming a reality. Unfortunately many of us don't stop to reflect upon our near future, it is there where we will find our true selves. Here among the world we are but moments in time waiting to become the universal part of our maker...

Our True Light...


nice work...

Art..
Reviewed by Sandie May Joyce 5/2/2008
Sad...*sigh*...this reminds us that whatever we must do we must do it today, and not leaving it for tomorrow, for tomorrow might never come.

Sandie May :o(
Reviewed by Cryssa C 4/23/2008
I was sad for this man... sad that he chose to get that message from the freshly fallen snow...the choosing to leave everything behind, instead of making a fresh start on his attitude with his wife and his life...
Even with all of that being said... I loved the ending!

Cryssa :~)
Reviewed by L Hippler 4/20/2008
Great story, Dawn. I liked the image of the snow and the vapor quote. You definitely captured a kind of Alfred Hitchkock feel with the ending.
Larry
Reviewed by Karen Lynn Vidra, The Texas Tornado 4/20/2008
Great imagery, Dawn; superb writing! BRAVA!

(((HUGS))) and much love, your friend in Tx., Karen Lynn. :D
Reviewed by Felix Perry 4/20/2008
Wow, this is a very moving piece that tells us how quickly the things we take for granted can be taken from us.
hugs
Fee
Reviewed by Jeanette Cooper 4/20/2008
An excellent write--caught my interest, touched on my mood and feeling, was ripe with suspense, and a surprise ending. Wow! a great job you did. Blessings.
Reviewed by Karen Vanderlaan 4/20/2008
what a well written story--poinant in the idea that our lives as we have built them are what are precious, the wife, the clutter all of it makes it his life--we always seem to want a fresh start like a gift instead of working to make a new life---anyway, enjoyed it
Reviewed by Gianetta Ellis 4/20/2008
Oh man! You had me really enthused for this guy and the prospects of a new life - taking charge, making a choice, LIVING! Then, in an instant, he's gone. Thanks a lot, Dawn; I'll be thinking of this all day! Excellent writing!
Reviewed by Jerry Bolton 4/20/2008
DRAT!! I resemble that . . . You just HAD to kill the Jerry clone off, huh? . . . Just kidding, Dawn, I liked the surprise ending almost as much as I liked the first few paragraphs where you imparted wisdom about growing old together and how drab it can really be sometimes . . . Okay, that did it . . . I'm going to get rid of my drabness, grab me an eighteen-year-old hooker and oil ourselves up with cherry . . . Oh, that belongs in another fantasy . . . 'Scuse me . . .

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