With JournalCon coming in a month, there are worries in my mind about something like in New York happening in Chicago. I am still going because I am not going to let the likes of Bin Laden get to me, though he did because I had a nightmare earlier today reflecting on the incident in New York on September 11th, 2001. I have been sick and weakened because of the events -- I had felt pains similar to what the people from falling from the windows of the world trade center. Which brings me into more detail of the dream that I had the other night.
     It would be in the wake and emotional distress in the mind that would be in my mind -- to sleep I would need to take pills to take the edge off. But even the pills cannot flush out the sickness within me at this moment of time -- could barely keep food in my stomach because I feel like throwing up but I cannot throw up. Each day when I would see the news it would confirm the horror in the mind which I would write in this. My sanity is taking a toll in this because what I would describe about this dream is that it would be the reflection of the ghosts of war -- that I keep seeing images of the holocaust in the back of my mind when I saw the image of people falling out of the buildings. This would be the thoughts coming to mind about this — the thoughts which would be in the nightmares invoked by the crash of the American Airlines flight into the World Trade Center.
     It would be in the nightmare which is written and would be in the mind of the survivors is why? But in the why and why did they pick those places that are attacked into rubble and took 266 people with them; I could see them in their last hours — unimaginable horror which is in the mind at the time I am writing. I cannot begin to describe what each person was thinking when these planes crashed into the World Trade Center but what I am writing now is out of horror of what I had seen on the news for the past few days. My nightmares are from the questions asked by the children who seen that with my sister included with the questions on why the airplanes hit the buildings; from this the nightmares in the mind had only begun — thinking that the picture of Sears Tower or The John Hancock building as well as Great Lakes Naval Training Center would be possible targets. It would be as I am writing this I have this full description of the nightmare which is written in mind — that would be triggered from the events on the news and the thoughts of something like this could happen in Chicago, Illinois. From it would be in the nightmares written, it would be in the mind of hell which is said that war is hell.
     25 years old and wished not to see another war in my time; let alone an attack on American soil. From it would be in the nightmare that would be described of seeing charred and dismembered bodies in the lookout point of Sears tower while the aircraft is rammed beneath the tower. The horror in my mind which sits as this would play out would be of unimaginable; the nightmares playing out would reflect the ghosts of terrorism. The ghosts which would be in my mind of hearing the screams falling out from the sky as it would smell of burned fuel and human flesh. Macabre thoughts from the reflections of the ghosts of war and terrorism while the nightmares are even more vivid — horrors which are so acute that I would not want to wake up from. From this would be written as I try to fall asleep but the impact from the images on the screen flickering which appear unreal but when the falling of the World Trade Center begins — the horror shoots one in the stomach because it is real.
     The horrors were in the mind of the possibilities of the other two aircraft would crash into — even when one looks at the horrors which are in New York City, Washington, D.C., and outside Pittsburg. I keep thinking, “God, oh God no. This cannot be....” It is what plays in my mind because I had been on a plane back in December flying to Toronto — that it would be in the horrors playing out if there was a terrorist on board my plane, that would be the nightmares playing in my mind because if one is in the sky and something like that is there; one is good as buried — it would be in the black clouds which would come off the crumbling from the skyline. As I had seen the crumbling — I keep seeing Sears Tower and Hancock Building being those two buildings. From it would be in the dark images in the mind as this is written; knowing of the end of what is the world of civilization.
     The dreams which I describe — one person is standing with third degree burns on majority of their body have been dismembered or parts of their faces have been ripped off of their bones from explosions or from falling structures. It would be in the horror in the mind which would be there as I would watch them catch fire. The screams which would come from hundreds knowing they are going to die is something which goes into horrors beyond any horror which is written. The only comparison would be the German death camps of World War II. When I would run down the stairs of the tower I keep smelling the odor of burning and decaying flesh with airplane fuel. It would be in the blackest thoughts of the human soul would the nightmares be written over and over in the mind. As a writer, I don’t have the words to describe the morning that happened in New York.
     What would be in the nightmares would be are the ghosts of terrorism, that it would be the evil drawn out in the flesh would be in form of Arabic blood — that it would be in description of a man with a white turban and a rifle. That this would be the horrors of a monster that is real, that is flesh and bone but kerosene in his veins. The horror in the mind which is there as I stood in my nightmare; that would be in the falling hell which is fire and people raining from the sky. It would be in the horror which is writing upon my dreams as I am thinking about this now — running my fingers across the keyboard. The worry and thoughts inside would be there as knowing of that peers of mine had perished in the plane disintegrated against the tower. From this the horror in the mind that cannot be described in words; that what would be written here would be as it would all had frozen as the picture turns black, white and shades of blood with soot. From which is written; in the mind of the missing — the horrors written in the thoughts which are in the minds of the many that are in the sleep, the illness which is in my physical body because of the horror that happened in New York.
     That in the nightmares which are reality — I had never thought that it would ever happen close to home. The nightmares drawn from my mind are in the eyes of those who survived but it would be the images which reflect the ghosts of terrorism; horror which would be in the mind as one begins to look for ways of protection that it would be in the thoughts growing into the growing darkened paranoia from the dreams that would scar themselves in the mind.
     The horror film which plays out in the mind; the writings of Nostradamus being read out in the back of my mind when the planes crashed into the World Trade Center. It would be this fear playing out in my mind as I would go up to Chicago next month on the 10th thru to the 14th; which this is being played out — the thought of bomb scares by possible followers of Bin Laden might be around in Chicago but I would not go out alone at least for awhile to say the least.
     Which as I would walk the streets in Chicago, I know that when I am in the city after this it would not be the same because one would not see a plane in sight it is a war plane or Air Force One with armed escorts.