Damn. I wish I could control these "tics" that plague me day in and day out. Seems that the more stressed I am, the worse these tics are.
My name is Abby. Abby Crutcher. I am sixteen, and I look like your basic normal teenage girl: fairly tall, slim, brown hair I wear pulled back from my face, blue eyes. I can do most anything I set my mind to; however, when I am having my tics, people stare, make comments, then I wish I could die.
Not really die, per se, but I do want to hide myself. It's embarrassing to have the problem I do.
I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to blink or move my head uncontrollably. In addition to the blinking/head movement, I also shout obscenities at the most inappropriate times, or I say the wrong thing. I don't mean to; it just happens.
I take medication to try to control the worst of the tics, but it really doesn't help. I have just about as many tics as I normally do, but before a big event like a school dance, the end of school, or graduation, the tics get worse, and then I want to stay home.
The worst time I had with a tic was during church. Pastor Ramey was preaching, and it was quiet. I let fly with the F word (the one that rhymes with "truck" or "stuck"). Needless to say, I got a good talking to by Pastor Ramey and some of the adults who were seated around me. Ever since then, I don't like going to church; I try to avoid going to church at all possible.
I'd rather pray to Jesus at home or read my Bible by myself. Church makes me feel very uncomfortable; they must think I'm sort of demon spawn from Hell for cussing in church!
If my Tourette's was bad enough, kids also make fun of me because of my last name. They think it's hilarious to call me "Crutch" or ask me if I broke my leg and or need to use crutches. I wish my last name were different; I hate it. Always have, always will.
I try to be happy, but it's hard when I have to deal with my Tourette's or the memory of church. I also have to deal with a pain in the ass brother who is on drugs (I know he is; I see evidence of joints all over the yard or smell it in his room, which I avoid at all costs), and a grandma who has Alzheimers and isn't all there.
Granny lives with us, and I'm usually the one who cares for her while mom and dad work. I also try to keep an eye on my brother Josh, and worry about whether he's going to turn into a pothead or something. I'm scared he's going to end up in the ER with an overdose--or worse, I'm going to be the one who finds him dead.
No, life isn't easy, and having Tourette's has only complicated things. I wouldn't wish this on my own worst enemy; having Tourette's is the pits!!
~Abby Claire Crutcher. :(
