Tuesday, May 27, 2008, Fairbanks, Alaska~

Dear Journal~

Kat Hammer here.  Sorry if I haven't been writing; have been trying to get the house ready for the new life that will be coming in less than seven months from now.

I still can't believe that I am pregnant.  I am now nearly three months pregnant; am starting to show.  I have a little poochy belly--and I'm afraid the poochy belly is only going to get bigger as my pregnancy progresses.

Of course, Frank is still tickled as tickled as be:  he can't wait to be a father.  Me, I can care less:  I'm not ready for motherhood!  I'm afraid I am going to be a terrible mother, particularly since I have my own health issues to worry about on a regular basis; if I were to do something that would bring harm to the baby, I don't know if I could ever forgive myself!

I've alerted my friends about my pregnancy; they've been sending me baby clothes, money, food--anything to ensure that my newborn child to be has everything he or she can possibly need in life.  It's made things easier, but I can take care of myself, thank you!

I am still working; I am sure that as my pregnancy progresses I will have to go on maternity leave.  Of course, I will still get paid; that's not so much of an issue here.  What is an issue is the ever rising cost of everything (excepting for my check; seems like it's only getting smaller and smaller, thanks to the inflation that's currently gripped our nation!).

Thank God we no longer have our Hummer:  that thing was eating us out of gas like you wouldn't believe!  We now have our olive green Jeep Cherokee, and our Cherokee gets great gas mileage, much better than our Hummer ever could!

I do miss the Hummer though:  it was bright harvest orange, really pretty!  Had a smooth ride, too, and the room inside was phenominal!  Yet it ate gas like a person with a gluttonous appetite!

Since I've become pregnant, I find myself crying at the least little thing.  The cat could hiss at me or Frank could look at me a certain way, and right away the tears start.  It doesn't take much for me to start crying; I've become such a blubberbutt!  It's embarrassing!

Frank's been awful' patient throughout my pregnancy thus far, but I don't know how much more worry, stress I can possibly take.  I am so worried about the baby being born handicapped or that I'd be a terrible mother it's all I can do to keep from pulling my hair out or going crazy!!

Well, I am going to go: have my OB-GYN appointment; hopefully I'll get a good report.  That's at nine; it's now seven twenty one in the morning here.  I will write more later; until then, this is Kat signing off!

~Kat. :(