HERPES ....  HOW?

   Reginald and Jerri were working at an apt complex  and they asked their boss for a special meeting... IMPORTANT...  Mid afternoon arrived, along with the loving couple.  "We are going to sue the company"!  The boss took a large swallow of saliva and asked, "Why would you want to do that?"  Well, said Jerri, "I have genital herpes, and I got it at work!"   Oh my... this has to be handled delicately.... so the boss asked a few more questions... "Reginald, can you help your wife explain how she got this disease at work?"  He lowered his head and stared at the floor, fidgeted awhile, then he elbowed Jerri and she proceeded with the story herself.  "Look, I ain't never slept with no one but my Reginald since we got married last year...and...the only place we make out is at home, in the apt that you furnish us with."    "Ok Jerri, but I still don't understand how that is the company's fault....?"  
   Oh, it's simple she said, "We got it from making out on the mattress.  It's your mattress, and it's your company, and it's your fault!"   The boss had to keep from falling out of his chair, and it was harder to keep from breaking out laughing, so  retaining a professional demeanor, he asked, "Have you been checked by a doctor? and if so, what does he say about this?"   Jerri jumped right in and said, "Oh yes...and he said I definitely have it, and I am going to have it forever!, and it's your fault I got it."   
   Once again, with a straight face, The boss explained to her, "perhaps you should consult another physician, because he will tell you that you cannot get Herpes from a mattress... you can only get it from your partner, whoever that may be; so do you have it too Reginald?"   As before, Reginald kept staring at the carpet, and muttered and shrugged his shoulders....barely audible, he said, "I don't have it...no...I don't have it."   
   The boss said to them both...."I suggest you get another medical opinion, and I am certain they will confirm what I've told you....that you cannot get this from the mattress... so... until you can get a doctor to prove that you did get it directly from the mattress, then I think you should stop discussing this with others here at work, and save yourself some embarrassment.  When you get this sorted out, please call me and we can discuss it further."  
   As they were leaving the office, Jerri couldn't resist saying, "We did it on both sides of the mattress... we flipped it over a few times, and... that is the only place we do it...so I know that's where I got it."    "Well Jerri... although I'm certain what I told you before is correct... I would like to suggest that perhaps you should consider putting clean sheets on top of that bare mattress, instead of sleeping directly on top of it... and... Reginald, I would suggest that you go with your wife to her next appointment... and ask some questions of the doctor, I'm sure he will be of much more help than I."   The boss walked them to the door and then almost doubled in pain after they exited.  This was so stupid, it was sad.  
   In a couple more weeks, Jerri came to the office and sheepishly said she had something to tell the boss...  He listened, although certain that he knew what she would share.  "We went to the doctor like you said, and he said everything you said and more....and so...we aren't going to sue you and the company... I didn't get the disease from you or the mattress... I got it from my old boyfriend....but we only did it twice on this mattress, and so now I'll just use his mattress from now on!"  Reginald said it was okay, as long as I don't bring my boyfriend back over here, because he don't want no trouble here, and we need our jobs."

  Eventually She had to be terminated ... not because she had Herpes, but because she kept forgetting to wear a bra to work....The boss gave her three warnings, without any change, and then one day she got one breast caught in a file cabinet.... which was another lawsuit she was considering... The boss took photos, and the fire dept said, "hang on to those pix's.... she's going to sue."  The boss told me that he sent her to the doctor again, and the doctor told her it wasn't the jobs fault... and that when one has 44 double D's, they need to be protected...even from file cabinets.