Friday, August 29, 2008, Nashville, Tennessee, 6:52 a.m., Nashville Memorial Hospital~

Dear Journal~

Sarah here.  I'm at Nashville Memorial Hospital; have been here since seven last night.  I don't know when I've been so scared like I am right now.

Wayne's in the hospital.  Heart attack.  Found him lying in the kitchen entryway, not moving.  When I called out his name, he didn't respond.  I got scared, so I called for the paramedics, who came in a matter of moments.  I thought he'd suffered a stroke or something; it scared the hell right out of me.

Thank GOD the kids didn't see their daddy (the older ones were at church for game night; the baby was asleep for the night), but I am sure they will wake up this morning, wondering why they are at their granny's instead of being at home.

I had my mom come get the kids after church; they have no idea what's happened to their father.

I'm now sitting in the room of the Cardiac Intensive Care, looking at my sleeping  husband.  He's on oxygen, and EKG leads/monitor pads record his heart beat on a small tv-like screen.  He looks terrible.  Pale, clammy, seemingly more dead than alive. 

I'm really worried that he may not make it.

Doctors say he is going to be fine; me, I'm not so easily convinced.

He had been doing so well since his kidney transplant last December; now this happens, and it's going to take him a while to get over it.  We are going to have to start living healthy now:  cut out the salt, fatty foods, make sure he eats the right things, or it could cause more problems, possibly even kill him.

To see my husband looking so vulnerable, helpless, breaks my heart.  I can't believe this  has happened; it's like one of my worst fears coming true .  If anything were to happen to Wayne to where he dies or ends up brain damaged somehow, I don't think I'd ever forgive myself.

The nurses have been wonderful.  Louie has been especially supportive as she tends to my broken husband, making sure he's comfortable (such as it were), making sure his vital signs are stable, which, for the time being, they are.  I feel like they are truly angels as they minister their healing work towards my husband and other patients.

It's quiet.  The only sounds are the beepings of the EKG monitor, or the hiss of oxygen, or the sound of soft-soled tennis-shoed feet of nurses as they walk by.  Very unnerving; am so scared that Wayne's going to have another attack.  I look at that squiggly green line on the EKG monitor, will it to keep spiking rhythmically.

I know I have to go home, call the children to tell them about Daddy, but I'm too scared to leave Wayne.  If something were to happen to him:  I'd have a very difficult time trying to handle it.  If Wayne were to die, what would happen to me?? The children??  I need my husband; the children need their daddy!!

Well, I'm crying again, so I'd best go.  Can't hardly see for all the tears falling from my eyes!  I will write in here in a day or two with another update about Wayne.  Just pray we get through this medical crisis in one piece; we can really use a miracle about now!!

God bless!

~Love, Sarah Wright.  :( *tears!*