Friday, August 29, 2008, Anchorage, Alaska~

Dear Journal~

Mattaq here.  Thought I'd let you know how my sister, Sikik, is faring, as I said I would last time I wrote a few days ago.  I kept my promise.

Still here in Anchorage, at the hospital.  Sikik continues to battle for every ounce of her being; she is a very determined character.  She did awaken briefly; when she saw me, she smiled, before the drugs hit her again and she fell back to sleep.  Sikik knows I'm here; it's most encouraging.

As to whether the meds are helping with the pain, that's yet to be determined; she can't really talk now, and I am not going to force her.  She needs to get all the rest she can, so she can gather strength to carry on for one more day.

I did go home (to the motel) yesterday:  took a five hour nap (what bliss!), then took a long, hot shower to soothe stiffened joints, achy muscles.  Feel more like myself.   I then went to Burger King, got myself a bite to eat; it was very good.  I then returned back to the hospital, where I've been since.

It felt wonderful to get away from the confines of the hospital, the sound of machinery beeping or hissing, not worrying so much about my sister.  I actually lived life as a normal person, my dying sister (temporarily) forgotten (but never far from my thoughts). 

Doctors still don't have any answers as to when Sikik will go.  It can be any day, or it can be weeks, months.  Nobody knows anything, and this is what's frustrating to me.  I wish there were signs that she was getting better, or whether she was ready to go to the spirit realm.  She's still relatively stable; vital signs are quite good, surprisingly enough.  It just goes to show you that she has that Inuk fighting spirit that's kept us alive for thousands of years.

I don't want her pain/suffering to go on; on the other hand, I'm not ready to say goodbye to her either.  Through the years, Sikik and I have gotten to become very close, the past few years especially since she first took sick with the MS.  I've watched her health go from bad to worse, and now that the end may be near for her, I'm not ready to let go of her.  I love her too much!

Well, the doctors are here; they want to do more tests on Sikik, so I have to go.  If anything changes, I will write sooner; if not, I'll write in a few days.  Just continue to keep me in your thoughts, and know that I appreciate all your prayers/good wishes for Sikik!

~Mattaq. :(