Saturday, September 6, 2008, 3:07 a.m., Anchorage, Alaska~
Dear Journal~
Incredibly, Sikik continues to hang on to life. She's still with us; I've never seen anyone with such a strong will to live!
I continue to be the only one who has even bothered to visit my sister; the others have still not shown up to relieve me. I have begged, pleaded, cajoled them; yet nothing has transpired. I am past the point of exhaustion; I need a break!!
I am most disappointed in my brothers Igri, Matu (my twin brother), Kipanik, Miniq, Asayak, Aqsuk, and Lootevek, as well as my sisters Oolik, Naiomi, Navarama, and Nauja: not one of them have even bothered to return my pleading calls regarding the status of Sikik's health, let alone, even write to me. It's like I'm the only one who cares, and I'm getting sick of it already!!
In the past, we've always been close, supportive of each other; ever since Sikik has fallen ill with this MS, it's like our family's drifted apart, and it's very discouraging to see. It's like they don't even want to take responsibility, and it angers me to the core!
I have only been "home" three times since Sikik ended up in the hospital, and I know I look a fright, smell like a decaying walrus by now. I know I stink: whenever people walk by me, they pinch their noses, make horrible faces. Stupid Dog Children; don't they know I have a sister who is possibly dying, and I don't want to even think of leaving her side??
What if they were in my shoes?? Wouldn't they want to be by their dying family member, in case this is they day they pass on to the other side?? I'd hate to think of my sister dying and my not being there; I'd feel horrible!! I don't think I could ever forgive myself!
Sikik is now on tube feedings: she is too weak to eat. A tube in her nose provides nourishment. It looks mighty uncomfortable. She's lost so much weight: a shell of her former self. I know she doesn't even weigh 90 pounds; she looks just like a little girl!
Sikik has awakened more and more; maybe she's started to turn around. I don't know much other than what the doctors have told us in the past: it could be any time, or she could get better (or as better as possible, giving the circumstances). It's a day-to-day thing.
It is encouraging to hear her soft whispery voice, see her eyes open. I know she's a fighter; I haven't doubted it for a second. Sikik has always been a fighter, and I know she doesn't want to die any more than I do. She wants to hang on as long as possible.
I don't blame her.
Well, the doctors are here; they want to talk to me more regarding my sister. Hopefully things will start turning around; I can only pray they do! I don't know how much more of this I can take; I'm past the point of exhaustion! I'm tired; I need a break!
~Mattaq. :(
