I don't know why I have to torture myself this way.  I try to do everything possible to ensure my son stays alive as long as he can, but sometimes I feel like I'm not doing enough to help him.

Faye Emerson here.  My little four-year-old son has finally emerged from his coma.  He seems to have everything intact; nothing seems out of the ordinary (for him, anyway).  He smiled when he heard my voice, reached out his arms towards me, but I couldn't hold him, due to all the tubes still attached to his little body.  It made me cry tears of happiness. 

Doctors, however, remain cautiously optimistic.  They feel he's turned the corner this time; there's no guarantee what next time might bring.  For all I know, it could be the end, the time when our son dies.  We know his death is approaching; this is what makes living with his illness so damned difficult.

We want to do everything to ensure that his remaining years are full of joy, happiness; however, we know that the disease he has is progressive, even fatal:  he has maybe six years at the most if he's lucky.  We try to be hopeful; yet we remain realistic in any expectations for him.

I've been living here at the hospital, remaining at my little guy's bedside, while hubby-dear stays home with our two other children, our daughters, Ellen and Renate.  I keep him (and the girls) informed as to how Nicky is doing; they've been praying for him. 

Must be helping because he's still here, and best of all, he's awake! :)

Nicholas's latest illness has sapped all the strength out of him:  he's as weak as a newborn kitten; it's a huge effort for him to hold his head up, even blink his sightless eyes.  It breaks my heart to see him struggling to regain lost strength; the surgery zapped him big time!  (He had an appendectomy a few weeks back; he suffered complications, which is why he fell into a coma in the first place.)

It's been a time of constant worry, fear, uncertainty for our youngest child; this is normal for us, but it still hit us like a ton of bricks.  Just keep us in your prayers; I will have another update soon.  Hopefully he'll be coming home from the hospital; we really miss having the little guy home!

Take care and continue to keep those prayers coming!  Thanks and God bless!

~Faye Emerson. :(