SCENE: INSIDE A HUMAN SKULL, SPECIFICALLY FIFI LAROUCHE'S SKULL

THE MAIN CHARACTERS.  THE THREE MAJOR PARTS OF A HUMAN BRAIN.  THE LEFT BRAIN (LOGICAL SIDE ), THE RIGHT BRAIN (CREATIVE AND EMOTIONAL SIDE)  AND THE 'PRIMITIVE BRAIN, (BRAIN STEM PLUS CEREBELLUM, PARTS THAT BALANCE US, CONTROL OUR BREATHING , SLEEPING, PRIMORDIAL FEARS,ETC.)

PRIMITIVE BRAIN (MONITORS ALL BODY FUNCTIONS, PLAYED BY  ALOCKI THE ALIEN):

"HEART RATE FINE, BLOOD PRESSURE FINE, BODY TEMPERATURE FINE, HEARING FINE, EYESIGHT FINE......"

SCENE  FIFI HAS JUST MET BIFF AT THE  RESTARAUNT DOOR OF 'LA PIZZAS.'  THEY HUG.  A WAITER LEADS THEM TO THEIR RESERVED SEATS.  SHE IS BREATHING NORMALLY.  OLFACTORY NERVES ARE PICKING UP THE SUCCULENT SMELL OF A PEPPERONI MUSHROOM PIZZA (AHHHHHHHH WHAT A NICE TANTALIZING SMELL).  HER MOUTH IS SALIVATING   HER TASTEBUDS ARE STIMULATED."  SHE IS GIVEN A MENU, A FEW MINUTES LATER THE WAITER COMES BACKS, BIFF ORDERS A SMALL PEPPERONI AND MUSHROOM PIZZA, FIFI ORDERS A.................

LEFT BRAIN(PLAYED BY  DICK THE STUCK UP ATHEIST SCIENTIST WHO IS A JUDE LAW LOOKALIKE)

"FIFI REALIZES THE HIGH FAT/HIGH CHOLESTEROL CONTENT OF ANY PIZZA.  I'M SURE SHE'LL MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION AND ORDER SAY A GARDEN SALAD.  THANK GOD I HAVE A MAJOR INPUT IN MAKING THAT DECISION.

RIGHT BRAIN (PLAYED BY FIFI LAROUCHE)

"OHHHHHHH BUT THAT'S WHY YOU ARE JUST SO BORING AND MR LOGICAL LB.  SHE'S ONLY 25.  SHE WEIGHS ONLY 125 POUNDS.  CHOLESTEROL AND FAT BE DARNED FOR ONE NIGHT.  THE HECK WITH RABBIT FOOD.  GIVE HER THE PIZZA"

LB  "YOU KNOW RB IF SHE FOLLOWED YOUR ADVICE SHE'D WEIGH 300 LBS.  YOU DO REALIZE SHE'S A STRUGGLING YOUNG ACTRESS AND SHE NEEDS TO KEEP HER WEIGHT TO A MINIMUM.

 RB "YOU ARE JUST SO LOGICAL AND DULL MR LB.  PRIMITIVE BRAIN YOU MAKE THE FINAL DECISION."

PB " SHE ORDERS PIZZA"

RB:  "WAY TO GO PB"

AFTER THEY ORDER THE FOOD THE WAITER ASKS BIFF AND FIFI WHAT BEVERAGE THEY WOULD LIKE.  BIFF ORDERS A WHITE WINE. FIFI MAKES HER DECISION.........

RB "HOW ABOUT A PINK CHABLIS."

LB "ICED TEA, ICED TEA. NO ALCOHOL". 

PB "I HAVE TO AGREE WITH LB RB.  ALCOHOL AFFECTS MY BRAIN STEM AND FIFI'S HEART BEATS FAST IF SHE DRINKS TOO MUCH WINE."

RB "YOU TWO ARE SUCH LIGHTWEIGHTS."

FIFI ORDERS ICED TEA

AFTER THEY FINISH THE MEAL.......WELL...........

PB: BLADDER RESPONSE. QUITE STRONG. QUITE STRONG.

LB: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR FIF?

FIFI: "BIFF I NEED TO USE THE RESTROOM."

NEXT SCENE:  AFTER THEY LEAVE THE RESTARAUNT AND TAKE IN A SILLY DOUBLE O'S TOILET HUMOR FLICK, BIFF TAKES FIFI HOME.  BIFF ASKS FIFI TO JOIN HIM IN HIS APARTMENT FOR A DRINK

LB: "YOU KNOW WHAT HE'S THINKING ABOUT.  GO HOME FIFI"

RB: "COME ON FIFI, HAVE SOME FUN. HAVE SOME FUN.  PB YOU SAY.....?"

PB: "HEART RATE HAS GONE UP, BLOOD PRESSURE IS GOING UP, I CAN'T MAKE A DECISION.......RB YOU MAKE THE DECISION FOR ME...."

LB: " NONONONONONONONONONONO..............."

FIFI: "BIFF I............NEED TO GO TO BED EARLY TONIGHT........I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY FOR WORK TOMMORROW.

BIFF: "AHHHHHHHH COMEON FIF JUST ONE QUICK DRINK......."

FIFI: "I'M SORRY BIFF, MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME.  I REALLY HAVE TO GET UP EARLY IN THE MORNING FOR WORK........."

BIFF: "ALLRIGHT, FIF, SOME OTHER TIME.......I'LL TALK TO YOU TOMMORROW NIGHT AFTER WORK....." HE GIVES FIFI A QUICK PECK ON THE CHEEK AND THEY GO TO THEIR RESPECTIVE APARTMENTS TO RETIRE FOR THE EVENING

FINAL SCENE: FIFI IS IN HER NIGHT JAMMIES AND JUST ABOUT TO GO TO BED

LB: "RB I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.  I THOUGHT FOR SURE YOUR BOHEMIAN LIBERAL LUSTFUL WAYS WOULD SINK IN AND FIFI WAS GONNA GO INTO BIFF'S APARTMENT.

RB: I'M A LOT MORE PROGRESSIVE THAN YOU BUT I'M STILL A FAIRLY MORALISTIC RIGHT BRAIN.  TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH MY INSTINCTS WHICH ALSO ARE AN IMPORTANT PART OF THE RIGHT BRAIN TELL ME THAT BIFF'S INTENTIONS WERE QUITE MORAL.  THAT IT WAS JUST GOING TO BE A HARMLESS LITTLE DRINK.  BUT THEN I SAW HOW PB HERE SAID ALL THE ORGANS SHE CONTROLS FELT SO TIRED AND THAT IT WOULD ALL BEEN BETTER IF WE RETIRED EARLY.

LB:  ARE YOU THE NAIVE ONE ABOUT BIFF RB.  BEING THE MORE MALE DOMINANT LB I KNOW WHAT 'BIFF'S INTENTIONS' WERE WITH FIFI AND I DON'T THINK THEY WERE INNOCENT.

PB:  YOU TWO JUST CRACK ME UP.  OK WELL I'M GLAD YOU MADE THE DECISION TO RETIRE EARLY BECAUSE FRANKLY ALL THE ORGANS ARE QUITE TIRED AND I KNOW YOU TWO ARE QUITE TIRED.  I'M THE ONLY PART OF THE BRAIN THAT WORKS 24 HOURS A DAY IF NOT FIFI COULD NOT BREATH OR HAVE ANY KIND OF HEARTBEAT AND WE KNOW WHAT THAT WOULD MEAN.......

RB: "IT MEANS SHE WOULD BE ENTERING A LOVELY 'ASTRAL WORLD.'

LB: "OH PLEASE RB GET REAL IT MEANS FIFI WOULD NO LONGER EXIST.  HER WORLD WOULD BECOME ALL BLACK."

PB: "OK YOU TWO LIGHTS OUT"

HOPE YOU PEOPLE LIKED OUR LITTLE PLAY.  I MEAN THAT'S HOW THAT AMAZING  ORGAN IN OUR HEAD WITH A LITTLE HIPPOPOTAMUS I MEAN HIPPOCAMPUS AND THE PITUITARY GLAND AND ALL THOSE NEURONS AND THE CEREBRAL CORTEX AND  THE CEREBELLUM AND THE MEDULLA......... CALLED THE BRAIN THINKS.  JUDE IMEANDICK TAKE A BOW, ALOCKI TAKE A BOW.  I'LL ALSO TAKE A BOW.