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Jack Kuperman

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How to survive a snake bite.
by Jack Kuperman
Friday, November 21, 2008

Rated "G" by the Author.

       
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     Snakes? Yes!!

1  Take a snake. At this stage, prefer snakes that cannot kill you.

Sorry -Amend: At this stage, prefer snakes that cannot kill you by their nature.

* The amendment was added after a pupil decided to use such snake as a skipping rope and fell on the wheel (he tried jumping in the car) and made a little (not larger than fist) hole in his head.

It seems, that the hole came in the worst possible place for this pupil - his head. Though everybody was surprised that the unused element of body could bring such grave damage (death), a doctor explained that the occurring wind blew all thoughts out, and the pupil mindlessly died.

 

2  Be sure that you don't want to eat it - If you do, then use another How-to.

 

Some pupils, that didn't pay attention, didn't notice that we didn't say that the snake is dead yet. So biting him, made too uncomfortable for the pupil to breath (snake stinging in the throat can stop breathing anybody.)

 

3  Cut snake's head off.

 

Sorry. Just now I recollected that I didn't teach you to use a knife.

So, if you are using any sharp or not-sharp thing to cut snake's head, please stop and check if the snake is dead.

If you can wait for 12 hours to be sure, it's preferable.

If you don't have this time, simply call the 911. Or take your car and drive to the nearest hospitable.

* For driving lessons on your car, read the appropriate handbook.

** For not having a car of your own, please read the handbook for stealing a car and a handbook for driving the car (your or anybody else).

*** For lessons of penetrating Hospital and getting the treatment as against the hospital unwillingness, read the appropriate handbook.

**** For the reading lessons, use an appropriate handbook.

 

4  If you've got to here, it seems that snakes are not dangerous for you.

 

 

 

  

Of course, if you are a woman, snakes are afraid of you, because they know that your bite is too poisonous.

To anybody (especially to other woman.)

 

5  If nothing helps, bite the snake back. At least you'll feel satisfaction.

* By snake, read anybody who took a bite on you: wife/child/boss/income tax/Bin Laden.

 

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Reviewed by Linda Law 11/21/2008
Well... as a tough Texan, I'd prefer to use the knife after I've read the appropriate handbook, then I'd skin it (after reading handbook) and then I'd deep fry it (after reading Exotic Cooking Cookbook) and then I'd eat it!!!! oh yes....dipped in Cocktail sauce with horseradish.... maybe even some hushpuppies too.... yummmmmmie....
What would I do however; if I can't read....???? lindalaw

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