Friday, 21 November, 2008~

Dear Journal~

Ingrid Schoenfeldter here.  Hope this finds you well; I'm afraid I'm not doing okay.

You see, just a few days ago, my father, my beloved daddy, died.  He was eighty-five years old.  He had cancer, cancer of the stomach, that ate his insides up.  He really suffered; it broke my heart, the hearts of my brothers and sisters.

We were in the room, together, when he died.  There were many tears flowing; when he breathed his last, I thought I would collapse to the floor in grief.  It was really upsetting.

The funeral is tomorrow.  It will be held in the village where daddy was born; it's not too far from here, where we live.  It is scheduled at ten in the morning; we have to be at the church by eight or so, so to make the final preparations, make sure all is ready beforehand.

No doubt even more tears will fall. 

I can't believe that our father is gone!  It doesn't seem possible; it's like a nightmare we can't wake up from!  I wake up, expecting to see him, in his bed, and when I go to look in on him, the bed is empty!  It's a horrible thing for anyone to go through, no matter how old you are!!

I don't know how we, the Schoenfeldter children, are going to get through life without our daddy!  Who are we going to go to whenever a problem comes up?  We looked to our father for counsel, and for comfort!! 

Since our father died, I've been feeling weaker, more vulnerable.  I fell twice in the past two days, and I don't feel so steady on my feet.  I may have to resort to using those ugly crutches that clamp at the forearms, or worse, the wheelchair!  I don't want to use them; I don't want people to see me like this, have them know that something's wrong with me!!  I can't handle it right now!!

Oh, damnit, I'm crying again!!  I HATE this; I really HATE this!!  Oh, Daddy, why?? Why did you have to die?????

~Love, Ingrid.  :( >tears!<