Gobble, Gobble, Gobble!
Oh, exCUSE me! I didn't realize you stupid Humans don't talk Turkish! Pardon me!
My name is Tommy. Thomas G. Turkey. I'm a Turkey. (D'Oh!) I hope you don't mind me, but I have a bone to pick with you regarding the treatment of MY Kind!
Every year about this time, all I hear about is Turkey, Turkey, Turkey, turkey being served with cranberries, mashed potatoes (or candied yams), stuffing, salads, and pumpkin pie on the side. That's all in good, but I, being a Turkey, just don't "relish" the thought of going into someone's mouth, down their gullet, and into their stomach! That's beyond sick!!
Why couldn't you stupid Humans serve something ELSE besides TURKEY for a day like Thanksgiving?? Why not beef? Chicken? Ham? Roast pork? ANYTHING but Turkey!!
If I could hear that ham, chicken, pork, or beef was being served as The Main Course besides Turkey, then I wouldn't mind it ONE bit! It's enough to get my Wattles or my Gobblers into a knot!!
And a Turkey with a twisted gobbler or wattle is NOT a pretty sight, believe me!!
Every year, about this time, I see horrifying videos of My Kind being plucked until they're nekkid, then stuffed with cornbread (or whatever else you have lyin' about your torture chamber--kitchen--), then shoved into a place that's hotter than you-know-where, and then we sit in a dark, dark pot, sweatin' to death, beggin' for mercy!
Then, if that isn't bad enough, you put us on display on a table, golden brown, glazed with gravy, ready to be stabbed, picked apart by greedy Human Hands, THEN shoved into their ugly, dirty faces! And what's worse is that you stupid People are SMILING when you do this!
How is this supposed to make a Turkey like ME feel? I am NOT very amused by your barbaric practices of My Kind; just the thought of ending up in someone's stomach does NOT sit well with me AT all! It's enough to make me want to peck your eyes out!!
Why is it that Turkey is the Bird of choice for Thanksgiving (or Christmas)?? Again, I reinterate: I'd rather see a Pig or a Chicken or a Cow as the "guest of honor" on someone's dinner plate, NOT a TURKEY!! Fah, it's disgusting!!
Well, I've "flown" off my soapbox. Think about what I'm telling you here. Don't you think we Turkeys have feelings? Well, we DO! I am sure my Turkey Buddies don't like it any better than I do!
On that note, have a good Thanksgiving, and please think of me when you stuff that golden, savory piece of Turkey down your stupid gullet! It's enough to make me want to lose my appetite, each and every time!
~Signed, Thomas Gobbledy Turkey. :(
