The game:

1  Open TV on a football game.

2   Wait for commercials.

3  The second, it begins, run to the kitchen. 

4  Prepare ten sandwiches for you, popcorn for your wife and beer for both.

5  Return and put everything on the table near the sofa.

6  Go to the toilet.

7  Return.

8  Take garbage outside.

9  Return.

10 Take your dog for a short stroll to piss.

11 Return.

12 Kiss your wife.

13 Sit.

Counting points:

If commercials are still running, you get 5 points.

Else - If it's still football game - you get 3.

Else - this means you lost the battle of the remote to your wife - get only 1 point.

If you take your wife to piss and kiss the dog, you get  -2 point.

If you find sandwiches in toilet  -1 point.

If you find garbage near the sofa  -1 point.

If you find your wife in the toilet and dog near the sofa  -2 point.

If you don't have enough points, eat sandwiches.

If you don't find the sandwiches because the dog ate them and you don't see the remote, because your wife threw it away, find new family and start the game again.