I am really upset this morning. I had a good friend of mine die last night all of a sudden (from cancer), and I wasn't really all that nice towards her...
She was a Christian woman of good faith; and she truly loved her Lord and Personal Saviour, Jesus Christ. Her love for her Lord was clearly evident in her actions; and even when she became sick that faith never wavered. Her face was marked with the telltale signs of sickness and unimaginable pain; but her brown eyes held a glow that emanated from them; and she somehow managed to smile, even on her worst days. She didn't seem to be afraid of her impending death; in fact, she acted as though she was actually looking FORWARD to it. She kept saying things like "I'm so looking forward to seeing Jesus Face to Face," "Pretty soon I'll be Home, to be with my Lord, forever and ever", and "I will be reunited with little Danae'and Jerome again; how I long to hold them in my arms again!" (Danae' was her daughter who had died at the age of 3 due to spinal atrophy, and Jerome, her infant son, was born dead.)
Yes, Rita was truly happy, and she truly loved the Lord; but I wasn't so nice towards her. I called her beliefs "rubbish", and I thought that her believing in an Unseen Being was ludicrous and unfathomable. I couldn't understand how a person could be "reborn" when they were ALREADY born and living on this earth. Such thoughts proved to be extremely puzzling to me. (I am an athiest. I don't believe in God.) I was especially puzzled because she had lost two children, one due to an incurable illness, and the other to stillbirth; and yet, despite it all, she still remained happy and upbeat.
I was only a person trying to make a decent living; and I happened to work with Rita Gomez. We'd met during lunch one day, and she and I became good friends; but then she started pushing this God stuff down my throat; and I became annoyed, and we parted ways for a time. I told her I didn't want to talk to her if she was going to shove Jesus down my throat, and I told her that we were no longer friends; and that I no longer wanted to associate with her. We'd see each other at the office, but we hardly said one word to one another.
All she said was: "I'll be praying for you and your loved ones." Simple, but yet, direct.
She then got sick, and I figured that I would make her feel better by paying her a visit at the hospital; but I didn't realize just how bad she was doing. Until I walked into that hospital room, I figured that Rita only had some sort of virulent bug that antibiotics could take care of. But then I saw the respirator tube snaking from her mouth, and all the wires and tubes attached to her bloated body; and I knew immediately that her life was in danger. She was incredibly sick with cancer; the cancer was spreadng throughout her entire body, and it was clear from looking at her that she was clearly suffering. Yet, somehow, she seemed at peace, and she wasn't afraid.
She would hold my hand and look at me; if she wanted to communicate she would write what she wanted to say on a piece of paper. She would write encouraging things, ask me how work was going, how Bud, my husband, and Corky and Ginger (my two teenaged kids) were doing; just the normal stuff. She would also ask me if I'd made it to church; I would tell her no; "I was too busy", I'd often tell her, hoping to get her off of my back. (I would then see her eyes fill up with tears; but I wouldn't say anything.)
Well, last night, she really got bad. She started having severe breathing problems, and her kidneys and liver failed; and she went into cardiac/respiratory arrest more than once; it was like at least 3 times when a "Code Blue" was called on her behalf (only I didn't know it; I was at a soccer game with my kids and husband). That's when my cell phone started ringing. It was Juan, her husband. He was crying as he broke the news to me. "Rita is dying," he said to me between sobs. "Please..please come see her; she's been wanting to see you."
"Juan, I can't right now," I said. "I'm at Ginger's soccer game. It's a tie; she is about to score the winning goal!"
At night, when we got home, we went to bed. All of us were tired. But I couldn't sleep; I kept thinking about Rita and Juan Gomez and about Juan's urgent phone call; and how I had let him down. This morning, when I called, to see how Rita was doing, Juan answered the phone. He was crying harder. "My beloved has gone on Home, to be with Jesus," he croaked. "My beloved is gone!!"
The words hit me like a sledgehammer. My hands grew icy cold as I dropped the phone, and a wave of nausea swept over me. I felt horrible that my daughter Ginger's soccer game was more important than visiting a dying friend in the hospital; and when I had made plans to see her the very next day, I found out that she had died during the night. I had let her down, and I had let her husband down, too. Her suffering was at an end, and she was now in a better place; and I am sure she was very happy to be with Jesus.
That's when I started to cry. I felt lower than low, and I felt like a wadded piece of paper. My heart ached for my friend, and I also felt bad because I had let her down more than once, and I had turned down her invitations to go with her to church. My athiest upbringing was more important to me. I had let one of my dearest friends down, and I had treated her shabbily, just because her beliefs were so different than mine.
I fell down onto the bed and cried as though my heart was breaking. I knew at once that I had failed my friend; and because of my ugly nature and my Godless world, I was doomed to a death of brimstone and hellfire; I was doomed to die a horrific, painful death, and I was doomed to suffer a fate that I suddenly realized that I did NOT want. All of a sudden, I got this weird sensation, like someone was tapping at my shoulder; but in a gentle way. I looked around; nobody was in the room with me. (My husband was already at work; the kids were at school.) I then heard a voice calling my name: "Kimberly. This is Jesus. Please let Me in." The voice was calm, gentle, reassuring. "Please repent of your sins and admit that you are a sinner. I will then come in if you will let Me."
I fell to the floor and continued to cry. I felt the pain and ugliness of my world leave my body as I cried out my anguish to Jesus; and I then felt a warm, comforting sensation and then a sense of inner peace. I had just done the unthinkable: I had accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Personal Saviour. I had just been "reborn" and was now a Christian. My sins of the past, even the most recent ones, were now instantly erased from my soul, and I was instantly a New Creature. I was no longer doomed to Hell: I would now be going to Heaven, to reside alongside Jesus, forever and ever. My name was now in "The Book of Life". I would now be reunited with Rita Gomez and her little angels, Danae' and tiny Jerome. And we would remain in Heaven, together as friends--and sisters in Christ.
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"For God so loved the world that He Gave His Only Begotten Son, And Whoever So Believith In Him Should Not Perish, But Have Everlasting Life." (John 3:16).
The above Bible verse is my absolute favorite! I have been a Christian for quite a while, but I still need to grow in my Walk with The Lord; and I look to Him to guide me through life. I feel that if anyone doesn't have God in their life, he or she is surely doomed; and the above verse clearly reflects this. It is also a verse of hope, and God is more than willing to give His Children many Blessings, even when they are going through times of trouble and trial. He will NEVER forsake those who love Him!! :)
Great write! Love this very much...I hope others see the need for Jesus' touch in their lives, especially when times are rough. He'll see you through all times, good and bad. You're so right, Karen...He will never leave or forsake His children. (((HUGS))) Love, Karla.
