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Jack Kuperman

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How to use toilet paper.
by Jack Kuperman
Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Not rated by the Author.

       
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     If you still don't know how to do it, you can learn about this very important business here.

1) Begin to unroll the product.

For this take the edge and pull.

Now run to catch the rolling product before it unrolls totally.

Put it in the place.

Take the edge and pull more gently.

Roll back three last meters, so that only 4 pieces will be unrolled.

Tear them from all other.

Well, you can stop.

You see that it goes in parallel, tearing all four parts in half, so why do you continue?

Just dispose of those destroyed parts and begin from the scratch.

Now, you should bring scissors for cutting four pieces apart.

If you do not have scissors or any sharp object, just fold and unfold the paper in the same place for ten times.

Keep your fingers crossed when you try to tear now.

Let us hope you succeed, otherwise take those parts and try to tear them with your teeth.

2) Take those four parts, fold them and attach to the exposed flesh between your legs.

Now rub it in direction of lawer back.

Do not forget, it is not a sandpaper, so do not rub too strong.

Just easily, like waltzing, do it up and down for some time. And some round movements. One, two, three, one, two, three, one, two, three…

3) With clean hand check the place.

If there is some brown under the nails or fingers smell, you can assume that the cleanning process isn't finished and repeat 2).

.

Some more tips on use of the product:

1) Do not use the product more than two or three times.

2) Wash it only in cold water. Do not use soap.

3) Do the pressing only with cold iron.

4) Reused product can be easily sewed together. In this case, take out all the threads before using it on yourself. For unwanted guests, you can forget it.

5) We propose not to use toilet paper from recycled carton.

 

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Reviewed by Georg Mateos 3/3/2009
No matter which brand one uses the damn paper never goes off at the perforations! ! ! they should perforate airplane wings, they never will fall off.
A very clever way to instruct how to use the unmentionables, but, with global warming and pollution will one day on a paper free society be forced to do what Neanderthal people did.(if still we have plenty of grass, that is)

Georg


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