Bob and Nancy are a retired couple who have been married for over a decade. Nancy became anxious when Bob wanted to borrow money to purchase a six-acre tract next door.
Since the country is in a depression and they’d lost half their savings in the stock market Nancy moaned. “Bob, I’m scared. You’re spending money like water. The truck is not paid off and you’re talking about purchasing land, an RV and a new computer.”
“Okay, I won’t buy the stuff,” Bob snapped. He stormed off slamming the screen door. When Bob returned Nancy told him, “Sit down and listen.”
Bob rolled his eyes as he slumped on the sofa.
“Bob, I’m not saying you shouldn’t buy these things. I’m afraid! I need help figuring out if my fears are warranted,” she said gritting her teeth.
“The economy is going to improve. Don’t be paranoid,” he spat.
“No interruptions!” she flashed.
“Okay, what?”
“If you were to die tomorrow I would have to live on less than a quarter of our retirement income. With most of our savings gone I would not be able to pay off your debts.”
“I’m not going to die. Why are you being so negative?” he grumbled.
“Bob, I hope you’re right but I’ve got to look at the worst case scenario.”
He thought a moment, “Well the worst that can happen is the bank will repossess the land, truck and RV. You’d still have the house and your car which are paid for.”
“You have a point,” Nancy said slowly. “I guess that wouldn’t be so bad! I need time to think it through.”
“Okay, can I go now?”
“Yeah, thanks for listening.”
A few days later Bob and Nancy shared their situation with Dan and Susan another couple. “I’m scared and I just need to be heard,” Nancy confessed.
“She overreacts,” Bob said defensively.
“Nancy, come over here and sit next to me,” Dan said smiling. He put his arm around Nancy’s shoulder, “I know you’re scared. It’s going to be okay,” he said gently.
“Thank you. That’s what I need to hear.” Nancy looked up as tears welled up in her eyes,” “Bob, are you listening to Dan? Do you hear his gentle, kind voice?” she asked pleadingly.
Bob nodded and smiled. “Okay, I see what you mean.”
Dan turned to him, “Bob, when a woman is upset they need caring and kindness. Give her a hug and listen. Their needs are pretty simple,” he said softly.
Once Nancy felt heard she was okay with Bob’s purchases.
Bob and Nancy are learning to love, honor, listen and negotiate. It’s hard work but practice makes perfect.
