Ice here.  Ice Jasmine Esquivar.  Hope you don't mind me writing again, but I had to.  Feeling scared; don't know what's going to happen to my sister.

My younger sister, Fawn Jerrica, who's thirteen, went into the hospital yesterday afternoon.  She has been battling an upper respiratory infection for the past few days; yesterday she started having more trouble breathing than usual, so we had to call for an ambulance.

I worry when any of my brothers or sisters get sick; however, with Fawn, it isn't that simple.  She is severely brain damaged and can't walk or talk.  She can't chew or swallow; all she does is lie there, wait for one of us to come take care of her.  Her health is really precarious; it doesn't take much for her to become sick.

I don't know where she got the bug, but now she's in the ICU at the hospital here in Trenton, and she's very ill.  We don't know if she will make it this time; we can only pray and hope that she does.

I love my little sister Fawn with all my heart.  She may not seem like much, but she's my best friend.  She loves it when I hold her, read to her, talk to her.  I try to treat her like a normal person, and I think she is a terrific listener.  She never bosses me around or tells me to get a life; she's always been sweet, even-tempered.  The only time she cries, it seems, is when she needs to be "fed", needs a change, or upon awakening.

I sometimes think about the people who abused her, her natural parents; I can't help but feel a sense of guilt or anger towards them.  Sometimes the anger is so great I want to physically hurt them, even kill them.  I have tried praying to God about my feelings, but sometimes I don't think He's listening because Fawn is still needlessly suffering.

I also get angry when I think of Bronson being autistic.  When he freaks out in public, it is all I can do to try to find a hole, somewhere, anywhere, to hide!  I personally think autism is an excuse for bad parenting; why else would he or others like him act up like that??

I have tried to make heads or tails about why some children have to endure so much pain.  They didn't ask to be born disabled or have things like autism or being abused!  They are just innocent children; they deserve a much better life!!

I am trying to deal with schoolwork, other kids, and now this, with Fawnie being sick/in the hospital, in ICU.  It's all I can do to keep from crying or wanting to punch someone's lights out!  If something were to happen to where she'd get worse or (God forbid) die, I don't think I'd ever live with myself!  She is my light, my world, my special little angel!!

Well, I am crying again; damnit, I hate this!!  We are getting ready to leave for the hospital, so we can see Fawnie.  Hopefully she is doing a little better than she was yesterday when we had to call for the paramedics!  I will keep you up to date about her in a few days; until then, this is Ice Esquivar signing off!

~Ice Jasmine Esquivar.  :(

To be continued.