To be a good buyer is not easy.
I know.
I am one of them.
One of Good Consumers Association.
You know, those people, whom the surveyors phone last and only in case, they did not find enough others.
They do not like to phone us because they "know" our answers.
But of course.
We always agree to buy.
Why shouldn't we?
So, after giving the "of course I shall buy it," we like to give some good advices how to sell to those who like to complicate the buying experience.
I really do not understand those people: may be I will buy or maybe not?
Why zigzagging like this? Cannot you make up your mind?
Think straightforward.
You see something? You buy. Its that simple.
Like two times two is equal five.
.
Maybe six.
.
.
I checked Internet: did you know that two times two is equal four?
Wait, I want to recheck it.
.
Yep. Tried it 21 times more and got the same -- 4.
Interesting.
Maybe I will bookmark the site that says that it always 4? It could help sometimes to be enlightened.
At least I signed for the updates. You know, if the result will change...
But I want to do just one more check. A moment please...
.
You won't believe it, but French too believe that two times two is 4.
Well, at least they agree with us on something.
.
Found something absolutely astonishing: If you add two to another two, you get four.
Is it really a magic number or what?
Multiply or add and you get always four.
Let us try some other addition. But this time without two's.
Would you believe it?
I almost fell from my chair.
Lucky I was still lying in my bed.
I took a totally random number of 'one', added to this even more random number of 'three', and got…
No no, wait. Try to guess.
Nu? Do you want a hint?
Well, it is the same magic number - four.
Wow.
Like the number of limbs.
Or eyes I and you have together.
Wonderful number.
I have to begin to buy four from everything instead of two that I did up to now.
I just cannot understand why they continue to teach numbers above four in the school. What's for? Where can you use them. Why put such useless information into our heads? Won't it be better to substitute it by the list of "sales" places?
.
But where was I?
Ah, yes.
Good Consumers Association.
I am one of them.
I go to the supermarket with my phone open. I put it on Internet mode receiving ads.
When near breads, I wait for the bread's advertisement to be broadcasted so that I will know the right kind.
The same with milk.
The problem is, there are some advertisements in between.
That is why I have bought 12 boxes of Tampax. As I am man, I did not know what size to buy, so took all there were.
Now I am looking where to use it.
Last week I put it into the hole in the bath to stop water draining out.
But after half an hour of filling water in the bath, the bath was still empty and I decided to use a regular plug for it.
I had to cut the Tampax in 14 parts and take it out with buckets, but in the end, I succeeded.
I decided that I do not need all this Tampax and threw it into my waste bin.
But by bad luck, the car with sanitary workers passed nearby and overturned the bin.
The Tampaxs rolled slowly and reached the sewage manhole a moment after the workers opened it to check some blocking.
Well, they tried to say that I am responsible for the stink in the town because of overflow of the manholes, but my advocate (whom I found through the advertisement that morning) showed that their car turned the bin on its side and this way, they themselves were guilty.
.
Today, between the bread and milk advertisement, they showed "Huggies is the best for your child."
Of course, I have bought.
What there is to think about?
They say it is good for your child.
And I believe them.
They always tell the truth.
Why shouldn't they?
.
At home, I recollected that I am unmarried yet.
But no problem.
Tomorrow I shall begin to look for the mother of my child.
Pity that I cannot buy her.
Or can I?
I don't know why we all feel like that schmuck in "The Sting" with Robert Redford and Paul Newman, because everybody we answer the phone there is a mellifluous dude or an amorous woman trying to con you to buy something you absolutely don't need at a outrageous price!
