Why do our hearts hurt so much? What brings the anger, the pain to surface? Oftentimes, there are many reasons other than what actually appears to be the cause.
Although life has brought many trials and tribulations, it has always been important to me that I focus on the logic, the reason, the why's. We cannot always answer those questions, or find the logic that we so desperately seek; therefore, we must find alternatives to negative actions.
It is normal to overreact at times, or to become frustrated, angry, impatient, and have hurt feelings over something we've had to endure. When we focus on what others say or do instead of what we say or do, then we are only doing ourselves a disservice. Not to mention, we do a disservice to others as well; in particular to those we care about.
Over time there were so many hardships in life, that I realized that I would have to be a martyr, a saint, and wear a black cloth over my head so that others could see the pain and hurt, and/or anger! Some of us find humor as an escape, and therefore, silly or inappropriate words or actions will occur, without being aware that a shell of protection has begun to shield us. Others hold in their pain and do not deal with the situation; hoping that the problem will simply disappear...vanish...not exist. Beware of when that emotion that is squashed into the file cabinet, filed but not dealt with properly....because one day it will come flying out and land on the heads of many, including the innocent!
The reason I write this piece is because over months I have read so many beautiful and positive writings by many of our peers, and have felt overwhelmed with the honor of knowing and being a part of their world. At the same time; however, I have also felt the pain of others.....some who feel betrayed, neglected, abused in some way by these same talented and wonderful peers. Often, when we are on the outside looking in, we can't always understand why anger, fear, frustration, hateful words are said....and how could we understand?
Perhaps we aren't supposed to understand the why's and why nots of others! Perhaps we are supposed to turn away, not get involved, or maybe even spread the word that wrongs have occurred? We are only human, and we can not know all the answers, nor can we always take the time in our busy lives to reason with people that we deem unreasonable?
What I have found over this long life of mine, is that each of us carries baggage...sometimes a few will have a simple little carry-on bag full; while others are like prima-donnas, with an entourage of luggage...often in assorted sizes and colors! How can we tell which one we are? My opinion, is that it truly doesn't matter the size, because that one little case may be carrying a humongous situation...while those stacks of luggage may have alot of little, minor, and perhaps not so serious issues that to the owner have become a weight too heavy to carry any longer.
Several years ago I found that for me...holding things inside of me was beginning to take a toll on my own soul! Always keeping things private and secret, allowing pride to keep the pain and hurts hidden, had almost begun to deteriorate me and who I am. On the other hand, the anger was also building within me, while the smiling face never gave me away; yet I knew that I was oppressing the anger, and it could explode and be hurtful to many...especially myself! What I began to unfold within myself is that we all handle things differently; and not always properly...even though we honestly believe we are doing what is best.
A simple exercise was introduced to me through a writers course, and amazingly....this process became a major factor in turning my hurts around! During class we were asked to write a RANT! Many of the students loved this idea, and went for it with gusto, while others insisted they didn't have many things to rant about! For me, I found that I had many Rants within me; but I was so private, and had taught myself for years to bury everything within, that the idea of putting things to paper was very difficult!
The professor suggested that we write a list of good things, and a list of negative things. My list of negatives was so long that I was ashamed that I could come up with so many irritants! The list of good things was long as well; but it took awhile to come up with enough to give me that feeling that I had "good" within myself! Competition with myself has always been an obstacle that I created for me....and I believe that many have this same disease...WE are our own worst enemy!
Soon I found a topic to rant about, and before I knew it, the page just filled up rapidly....and then I went to page two, and page three....and the professor had to stop me! As she laughed...she said, "Perhaps you should write one Rant per week until you have ranted yourself out of rants!" Funny as it sounded at that moment, I began to do as she suggested...and now I do it often! I don't hold back when I write a Rant either; because...who is it going to hurt? No one! Writing what angers me, or annoys me, or hurts my feelings, helps me to release those feelings that have begun to hide and fester within my own soul.
Ironically, something so minor has become most important in my well being. I smile all the time now, just as before; however...it isn't a smile for outward reasons only; the smile is sincere. I speak now instead of hold things within, or at least more often than before.. and that is why WRITING has become so crucial to my well being as well. Putting words to paper, and hopefully, doing it in a creative manner, adds to the exercise...and is educational as well!
I am not advocating holding things in and/or writing your feelings only....in exchange for never stating your opinion, or being bold and direct with another. What I am hoping this writing will do, is give you an alternative to saying or doing something that you cannot take back, that saying "I'm sorry I hurt you" will not have to be said. Because, as we all know....sorry's are plentiful; yet...even though we generally forgive...we can't always forget!
Everyone has many good and wonderful sides to them; and everyone has some negatives... that is life! Being mean and hurtful to others is not something that is natural, it is a learned habit; and one that is hurtful to everyone; especially to you. It is so simple to be positive instead of negative...try it... you just may find that it's life altering! Positive breeds positive...that is a simple and true fact! Can you imagine the wonderful life that awaits you when you take this simple step... one hour at a time... until it is as natural as breathing!
Anger and negative are nothing more than chains that bind us to pain that we do not have to carry. Imagine unlocking those chains, shedding the heavy burdens that we have dragged along with us as part of "who I am" all the years of our lives.... Imagine being happier, willing and ready to accept the goodness that life has to offer...willing and ready to encourage others, as we strengthen ourselves!!
I wish each of you only wonderful things for your life. Be yourself; but in the process...learn to be a better you! Write your hurts, your pain, your anger...and let it go. Your experiences and your writings will have merit and possibly give you a release from one more chain that binds you!!
The same can be said for your joys.... write about the beauty, the light, the kindness around you. Inspire others as well as yourself with these positive words. Before I end this piece, I want to share that in my corporate days I had to terminate many employees, and that was the hardest part of my job. I know that like a parent who punishes a child who says, "this hurts me more than you"....really means it! When terminating another, I would have to be honest, direct, and firm. On the otherhand; I learned to find some positives to give to the person as well; because....I never wanted to be the catalyst that sent another into depression, suicide, or even worse! It was easy to give them hope, and encourage them, and usually.....usually....the person would end by saying, "thank you, you are right...I should have been more thankful for this job...but I promise I won't make this mistake again."
Even when prayer was not allowed on the job; I found that witnessing was essential, and it was with His love that I learned to be more caring about the other person when it was a difficult time.
Please follow your own heart and mind as to how to deal with your frustrations, hurts and angers...but hopefully, in some way, the suggestions in this writing will spring some new seeds of hope within you....encourage you to hold yourself up into the light...and out of the shadows of darkness...
You are worth the best.... don't waste it on the negatives...
Linda Law
