20 March, 2009~

Dear Journal~

Ingrid Schoenfeldter here.  I thought I'd write in here to apologize for how I've been lately.  I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me.

I'm still sad, but right now I'm more remorseful than sad.  I have been a real pain, whining about what I don't have instead of what I do have.  Compared to a lot of people, I have it pretty darn good. 

So what if I don't get around as well as I used to.  So what if I might end up having to use crutches or a wheelchair in the future.  So what if I can't ski.  I can still get around, even if I'm slower than a turtle at times, and I'm still alive!  I'm still breathing, and am still above ground!  :)

I might have an incurable, progressive disease; so what.  I can live for years with it; it's not like I have something like muscular dystrophy or Lou Gerig's disease!  I have a dystrophic disease, but compared to most, it's one of the lesser evils, the less severe forms. 

Yes, you guessed it.  I got chewed out by my brothers Lunt, Hjalmar, and Kjell, and my sisters Maikken and Freja.  They came over last week and really let me have it.  At first there was an awful lot of screaming and yelling:  I didn't want to hear it, but then Hjal grabbed me by the wrists and told me in no uncertain terms that I was going to listen or else there was going to be hell to pay, so I had no other choice.

They then lit into me, really let me have it.  What they said was really eye opening.  Even though I have this condition, I am still fortunate that I can get around, do things for myself; there are many people lying in hospitals or institutions unable to do anything but lie there, with people caring for their every need 24 hours a day.  And they will never get any better.  I, at least, still have my health (such as it is), and I have plenty to be thankful for.

They, more or less, told me to quit whining, and to get back to living; they were tired of hearing it.  They said they'd be there for me when they could, and that I can still get out and do things for myself.  They said I could still ski on my good (non-weak) days or do anything I set my mind to.  They told me to get back to living life as I would want, even with having PMA.

Ever since, I've been going outside (yes, even on my crutches!), and even though people are upset about it, I tell them it's nothing they did; I have an illness that causes me to feel weak, so I use the crutches to help me walk better.  It still feels strange talking about my disease to other people, but in time I will get used to it. 

I also have the support of the MDA; they provide free care for me, and I don't have to pay a thing for my medical care, my medical supplies or appliances, and besides, I have a good doctor.  I am indeed blessed; so many others don't have this; they are left alone, frightened, unsure of their futures, wondering what's going to happen next.

Of course, I will have those days where pity will set in, but I have to remember what I do have and go for it, live life to the full.  It's worth a shot; it's better than whining about it like I've been in past journal entries!  I was turning into a real b****!

This is "the new and improved"  Ingrid Schoenfeldter writing; no more whining or self pity for me!  I have my whole life ahead of me!  I'm alive!  I can still get around, do things I enjoy!  I'm not lying in some hospital bed with others taking care of me!  I can still feed myself, dress myself (for the most part), think, laugh, sing, talk, ski (though I'd probably fall a lot, more than I used to!  LOL), and write!  I'm not totally helpless!

I have my brothers and sisters who would fight to the death to make sure I got all I wanted (or needed), and I have friends, here in Norway and back in America, who love and care for me! 

I guess my whining days are now history!  And it's a great feeling to be able to talk, laugh, sing, enjoy life again!!

Take care, and may God bless you!   (I still don't know why I didn't have this happen to me sooner!  I needed a good kick in the butt, to get me out of my pity party state!)

I will write in here again; until then, this is Ingrid Schoenfelter signing off!

~Love, your friend in Norway, Ingrid.  :D

*to be continued.*