I am going to sit down now at the computer and write down some of my deepest, darkest feelings. Maybe you will understand why I don't like to talk about the past (or even more recent events that have occurred in my life).
This is M'buti Sormiento. I am 25 1/2 (will be 26 in October), but my life has NOT been an easy one. I have had a lot of problems, and I have had experiences NOBODY should ever have to go through. It is still hard for me to deal with, and I am doing this at the suggestion of my therapist.
I was born nearly 26 years ago in a little town northeast of Nairobi, in Kenya, Africa, and I was born the youngest of three (two boys and one girl). From the start, my life was not easy; but then the life of the Maasai is hard. I had to learn how to cook, clean, fetch water and firewood, and fix up the house whenever it leaked. I was just a child, but I worked hard, and by the end of the day I was so tired it was all I could do to keep from falling asleep when eating supper. I was always grateful whenever I crawled onto the mat that served as my bed.
When I was older, I helped my older brothers, Naiser and Keserian, with the cattle; and I also helped Mother and Father whenever they needed it; and I also went to school. School was easy, but the kids made fun of me because I was so shy. They called me "Dik-dik" (small antelope that are very shy), and they made fun of my soft voice. But my brothers soon put a stop to the kids' teasing.
At age 7, I got my ears pierced. (In that part of the world, kids' ears are pierced when they are small; it is Maasai tradition.) That hurt like mad, and they bled like crazy, but I didn't cry. I wanted to prove to my brothers just how brave their little sister could be. (In the Maasai tradition, it is believed that if a Maasai shows any emotion it is a sign that they are weak, and they will be teased repeatedly throughout their lives.) But I luckily healed fast, and I continued my Maasai childhood, going to school and being with my friends and taking care of the enkang (Maasai house) and cattle.
At age 11 I was introduced to a man named Lengoni, who was much older than me. It was shortly thereafter when we were married (arranged marriage). I was then circumcized (as are a lot of girls in that part of the world; it is tradition). Again, I didn't cry during the procedure; but afterwards I did; and I ended up being sick for a week with a nasty infection. From the start Lengoni proved to be difficult: nothing I did pleased him, and he would often hit me. He also belittled me and called me a fool, and told me that I was his property. I couldn't do anything without his approval. It was a very bad time for me.
At age 13 I was widowed when my husband was killed by a lion. I wasn't happy he died, but I was glad he would no longer abuse me.
After this, I decided that I would go to school to learn English. I wanted to go to America and go to school there; I heard that America had good schools, and I heard that life was much better there. I also wanted to go to school and become a teacher to small children.
At age 18 I found a sponser (Stephanie Green) who would later become my friend. She would help me get to America, and I learned to trust her and confide in her. She was a super person.
At age 21 I came to America to live. I moved to the state of Tennessee, and I started attending university in the city of Nashville. I was on my way to becoming a teacher.
But just a month later I was raped and then burned; and I spent a year in the hospital recovering from my injuries. They were really bad, and I ended up having to have braces put on to my legs and ended up having to learn to walk with sticks (crutches) because my legs had been burned and scarred so badly. I also had to learn to live with the memories of having my skin pulled off; the pain was beyond unbearable, and it was something I would remember for the rest of my days.
In December a year later, I got a severe infection in my leg, and I ended up back in the hospital because the infection spread. I had a rare bacterial infection called "necrotizing fascitis" (or something like that; I am not so sure I spelled that right), and I was very sick for months afterwards. I ended up having more surgery, and I ended up being in severe pain because I had so much in the way of damage. I couldn't eat, sleep, or do ANYTHING without being in agony, and I was nauseous all of the time. It was really bad, and I ended up having to have a tube for feeding because I just couldn't eat. The mere thought (or mention) of food absolutely nauseated me. I ended up losing a lot of weight, and I went down from 130 pounds down to only 72 pounds. I looked like a person with ukimwi (AIDS), and I couldn't get out of bed, I was so weak and so sick.
Eventually, I had surgery to stop the pain (last year, in April), and ever since I have been doing MUCH better, but I am still having problems. I have problems with my blood pressure (it is abnormally low in the first place, and I pass out if it goes beyond a certain point, plus I often get dizzy), and I have problems with my one leg (it is paralyzed due to the surgery I had had): I can't move it. Walking has become such a chore for me. When I DO walk I use my walker, but I'd much rather use my wheelchair; it's MUCH easier. I also have weak lungs, and because of it I have to wear oxygen because I get winded so quickly. I have a portable oxygen unit I can take with me if I need it (and I often do). I am still skinny, but I am SLOWLY gaining weight. I am also eating again, but it takes SO LONG TO GAIN MY WEIGHT BACK!!!! (Right now I weigh 119 pounds.)
People see me, and they make comments or ask questions (most of the questions have to do with AIDS; do I look THAT BAD?? Do I look like I have AIDS, which I DO NOT??). Or they STARE, and it makes me very uncomfortable and very embarrassed. I do NOT like the way I look, and I HATE people pointing out just how bad I happen to look!!! WHY can't they just leave me the *FUCK* ALONE???? It's no wonder I hate the way I look. I am UGLY. *FUCKING UGLY*. I look like a skeleton, and my ribs stick out, and my face is so ashen a lot of the time. I also have wrinkles, and I look like an old lady. Sometimes whenever we go someplace I get asked if I am a senior citizen (old person) when I am only in my MID-20's!! I am NOT beautiful; WHY do people think I AM beautiful?? It just doesn't make ANY sense to me whatsoever!!!!
But even despite all of this bad stuff that has happened to me, I DO have some *BRIGHT SPOTS* in my life. They are found in my husband, Roberto (he and I have been married a little over 4 years now), and our baby son, Jubaki Miguel, who just turned 2 a few weeks ago, on June 26th of this year. Jubaki is the light of our lives, and he is ALL boy. He loves playing baseball with his daddy, and he loves to run around and laugh. He is such a happy little child, and he is adorable, too, besides!! (He looks just like Roberto!!!) I met Roberto Sormiento while I was in the hospital recovering from my burns, and he and I eventually fell in love. We then got married, and we have been very happy together. He has been the reason I am alive, and I am grateful to God for him and his love. He is truly something special, and I don't know what I have done to deserve such a caring, compassionate man. He doesn't seem bothered by the fact that I am disabled; he just sees me as his wife, and he is always telling me I am beautiful, even when I am feeling anything BUT.
Now if only I could do something about his ANNOYING me each and every morning by licking my ear or playing with my ..(I'll leave it up to you to guess where this is on my body, but I CAN tell you this..it's below my throat and above my belly button!) I'd LOVE to slap him each time he does that (in which I often do; and then he has the gall to LAUGH about it!!!). He is such a LITTLE BOY at times!! He acts worse than JUBAKI at times....
Let this coming of age story of a boy named Bean take you back to a simple time. Set in a small southern town in the 1960's, encircled by a river and gleaming white cotton fields.
It's almost Christmas. Lynn Basil is writing her last book about a secret entrance into the magical doll land of Sha Bebe that she loves so much. Bagannos have taken over the world! Lynn finally meets her dolls in real life. Can she write in a Secret
