Lolly here.  Lolly Winston.  I'm the one the other kids at school call "Blob-bo", and when you see me, that's a very suitable nickname.

I'm not exactly "svelte", if you know what I mean.  I'm more like "extra-economy size".  I am only 5'3 1/2" in height; however, I weigh over 460 pounds easy.  Just to walk a few feet is an arduous task:  I can't walk more without having to stop, so I can get my air.  It's also hard to find clothes that fit me, or find a place to sit without worrying whether the darn seat/booth/bench is going to fit or collapse underneath my bulk.

I know the other kids (or even some adults) hate having me around.  I see their staring eyes, hear their sniggering remarks, or see them pointing at me like I was some part of a circus freak parade or an animal at the zoo (hippo, probably).  I'm not exactly pretty; my weight certainly doesn't help matters.

Yet when I'm around my family, or around my friends, or at church, I act like everything is a-okay when, in reality, it isn't.  I cut myself as a way to take away the pain (I wear long sleeves, even in the heat of summer), and I try to make myself vomit, as a way to try to lose weight or get out any extra chance of me putting even more pounds on my body.

I also listen to hard rock or rap, or smoke marijuana.

Not exactly healthy living choices, but hey, I'm desperate!!  I'd give anything to be able to lose all this bulk or look like my family or friends!  I'm the only one in my family who's overweight:  everyone else (mom, dad, my brothers Raymond, Teague, and Corey, and my sister Stella) are all thin.  Don't know where all this fat came from; as long as I remember I have always been "big".  Now that I'm older, I've only gottten more so.

I have been trying to find a job; nobody will hire me.  "Lose some weight!", "You're too fat!" they are always telling me, and I am sick of it!!  Why can't they accept me for me, and not for just what I happen to look like??  It's not fair, and it's not right!!

I'm also tired of having everyone stare at me when I help out with the special children at my church.  I hear them or their parents say how big I am, and I'm so fed up with it already, I want to bash those kids' little faces in or tell their parents to go you-know-where (rhymes with "sell", "well", or "tell")!  I'm ready to quit going to church; if God truly loved me, He would take this extra weight off of me, and I would be accepted a lot better than I am by society!

I'm getting so mad right now at life I'm ready to commit a desperate act.  I'm ready to push my little sister in front of a car:  she's only six, but she keeps saying to me how she hates that I am fat; she wishes I could lose the weight, so I could "look more like her".  The trouble is, I have been trying:  I'm on one diet after another, and nothing is working!!!!

I'm tired of Teague, Ray, and Corey asking me to get outside and off the computer, so I can exercise.  The problem is, I can't do it!  Just the least amount of exertion causes me to have choking spells, and I get so winded, I'm scared I'm going to pass out or fall over dead from a heart attack!!  I'm tired of not being able to breathe whenever I try to exercise, so I just don't do it.

Mom and dad have been on my case about this as well, and I'm getting to the point of leaving my family; I can't take much more of them!!

Just tell me what to do; I'm at the end of my rope!  Life's got to be better than what I'm going through right now!  Thanks for listening!

~Love, Lolly.  :(  >tears!<

~To be continued.~