I look at my little sister, Ramey Melissa, and I see a sad little girl; it breaks my heart.

She has only been home for a few days, but the changes have already been apparent.  She is talking some, but she hardly smiles; and anything can get her to crying; it doesn't take much for her to start crying uncontrollably.  We also see the ugly blue-and-white braces that encase her stick thin legs, and her curled hand that rests against her palm:  she cannot move it at all.  When she smiles, her smile is lopsided.

We also see the quad cane that stands guard next to her clunky wheelchair:  all terrible reminders of that horrible stroke that has changed her from an active, happy little girl to a virtual prisoner of her own body.

I still say it is my fault:  before she'd gotten sick (and before I'd found her lying on the ground, unconscious), we'd been arguing:  she'd gotten into my clothes again, and I'd had it.  I snapped; I started screaming at her, and the last thing I said to her was:  "I hope you die!"  She then had the stroke not even an hour later; I somehow feel responsible for her ending up like this.

I don't know what I am going to do to try to make amends with her.  If I could wish the stroke symptoms or its aftereffects away from her, and get my old laughing, active, dancing sister back, believe me, I would; but I know this is impossible.

Mom says it was an unfortunate accident that happened; nothing more, nothing less.  She says it's silly for me to blame myself for Ramey's stroke, but somehow I can't help feeling guilty that I was probably the cause of it.

We've had to make our home "handicapped-accessible", so Ramey can get around better with her chair (or cane); it's still pretty hard for her to get around easily.  She is still pretty weak, and it doesn't take long for her to get tired.  She naps at least several hours every day, and she's usually asleep in bed by seven/eight o'clock.  We have to help her with her speech therapy, in the hopes of it coming back; when she talks, her speech is hard to understand:  it sounds like she has a mouthful of oatmeal.  It's really heartbreaking.

We are hopeful that the old Ramey will come back, but for now, she needs help with eating, talking, getting dressed, walking, bathing, just about all areas of her life.  Mom and dad have taken some time off work, so they can be with her at all times, during these first few days home from the rehab hospital.  She will need therapy for a long time to come; it's going to take some time for her to get over this stroke.

She may get all of her functions back in time; on the other hand, she may not.  Time will only tell; until then, all we can do is wait, hope, and pray.

We don't know when Ramey will return to school, but when she does she will probably have to ride the special needs bus, the one with the wheelchair ramp.

She will also need help in her classes.

Well, I am going to go.  Ramey is calling; I am home from school today because I have an upset stomach.  Nothing catching; it's just nerves from having my sister back home.  I will have to see what she wants.  I will write in here again soon; until then, this is Summer signing off! 

Bye for now!

~Summer Parkingham, Ramey's big sister.  :)