I wish I could say things are getting better; they remain about the same, unfortunately.

This is Sage writing.  Sage Rainbow McDermott.  I am trying to work on my crappy attitude; however, things continue to get in the way, and I end up being as mean as a snake, much to the dismay of my aunt and uncle.

My little cousin, Sailor (he's Aunt Elaine's little son), had his eyes removed because of cancer; he now will go through life blind and sightless.  He's doing a little better, but this is an awful lot for a little baby to go throuh!

Elaine has had a bad time of it lately; she needs all the help she can get!  I volunteered to babysit Sailor whenever he's in the Denver area; I want to show her that I can be a responsible teen!

My cousin, Rachel (she's the one who broke her bone), has healed, but she's been depressed.  (Sort of like me; I've been a depressed mess lately!)  She and I have been spending a lot of time together, trying to encourage each other.  Kind of hard to do when one is as sad as the other! 

I have been trying to get along better with Uncle Fenton, but sometimes he makes it so darned difficult.  He is one of the most stubborn, pigheaded men I have ever met!  I'm just glad that Reba, his wife, is a lot more understanding, but she drives me crazy whenever she sides with him, even when he's the one who is in the wrong!

I have been going to Bible study and praying; maybe this is one reason why my attitude is improving (a little; not a lot, but a little is better than nothing):  God has gotten a hold of me; I'm sure He wants to throttle me for being such a yutz!  I guess nobody likes a complainer; I guess that includes even God!

In addition to praying and reading the Word, I have also been doing a lot of journaling.  I have been trying to express my feelings through writing poetry or stories, and also journaling.  It's helped me some, but it won't bring back my best friend who died as a result of a hit-and-run (and the guy who hit her was blind drunk).

That's probably the worst thing.  I miss Amy so much I can't stand it!  She and I were so close we  were almost like sisters!  I still can't believe she's dead; it's only been a few months, but the grief I still feel is strong, and it doesn't take much for me to get the tears going whenever I think of my friend!

Mother's Day was hard for me.  I got to thinking about my own mom (and dad), and I spent all that day crying, wondering why they had to abandon me like they did when I was so small.  (I was something like four when they left me.)  I often wonder if they even think of me, or if I have any brothers and sisters I don't know about. 

I'm so glad Mother's Day is gone!  I HATE that day so much!!

And now I have stupid Father's Day to think about.  I will no doubt be thinking of my own daddy as I did mom, and I will probably be a basketcase THAT day as well!

Grr!!  Why did they even invent holidays like Mother's Day or Father's Day?  To rub it in our faces, those who don't have parents??

I swear, some people are so stupid!!

Well, I've done it:  made myself cry again!  Damnit, I HATE this!  I swear I must be bi-polar!!  I have to go; I can hardly see for all the stupid tears falling from my eyes!  I will try to write in here again; hopefully the next time I do, it will be much happier; I've written way too much sad lately!  Well, I can't help it:  my own life has been nothing but sad!!

Take care, talk to you soon!

~Love, Sage.  :(  >tears!<

Just keep me in your prayers; I really could use a miracle (or two) about now!  Thanks!