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Jack Kuperman

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Make room! I need some space!
by Jack Kuperman
Saturday, May 16, 2009

Not rated by the Author.

       
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           >> View all 129


     722 words.






Two days ago, I've read a book: "You can have it". I liked it very much and decided to implement everything that was written there.

As the first step, the book explained, I need to throw away everything old to make place for new, better and plentiful. It sounds very logical. You really need a place for everything new, don't you? Even new thoughts push out older thoughts. So, it's the same with anything else, material or spiritual.

The author told about giving away all her wardrobe content to the neighbors and two weeks later she got a check she believed won't come ever. Therefore, she bought new clothes and even had some surplus money.

And that's what I did.

As the author was a woman, I took out all my wife's shoes. (I could not do it, would she be here, but I have sent her previously to her sister for a week rest, so nobody interfered with me).

Well, not all shoes, almost all. I left two pairs. I could not bring myself to leave her without any pair at all (other than those twelve she took with her).

So, I dragged all out. Found a semitrailer whose driver was ready to take them away and began to load.

Two hours later, we put out everything on the street in one of out of the sight outskirts of the town.

When we began to drive away, I saw women exiting from different houses and looking in disbelief.

And then everything exploded. Women ran and fought over shoes. I saw flashes of light from women nails going after other women's eyes and red lips making a perfect round of four inch showing all thirty-two teeth ready to bite other women hands touching a shoe. It looked like a locust cloud over the last grain in the field.

Before we turned the corner, I looked in the mirror and saw one woman flying out from the heap of bodies and I noticed hairs of various colors floating like a cloud over them.

Three streets later, I still heard noise of their arguing and cursing. Some ten minutes later, we saw a string of police cars going in the direction we came from.

All the way back, we drove silently.

Back home, I asked the driver to wait for me and entered the house. I continued to read the book about the theory.

The author told how she decided that she wants to have new furniture. Therefore, she took everything out for poor. And on her way home, somebody who saw her doing it, was so impressed that gave her a good paid work. Two weeks later, she bought all the new furniture she wanted.

When I finished loading the last chair into the truck, I asked the driver to deliver it to some other place than that with shoes. I didn't want riots begin just in one place.

After that, I entered the house and looked for the book. Last time I saw it was on the table. It seems that I loaded it too.

I sat on the floor and thought: Now I made room for new cloths and new furniture.

Suddenly I felt some itching above my right ear. I put my left hand there but didn't find anything. Then I checked with right hand, but got the same negative result. I understood that it could be a thought trying to enter my head.

I waited patiently all the time the thought drilled the hole in my thick skull and after some four minutes went to the kitchen. I felt hot in the place where the thought tried to penetrate, so I poured some water there and immediately understood what it was: My wife isn't here.

I have room for a new wife too.

I emptied my head from any other thought and sat on the floor.

Will the new come in the order the old went out? And then I will have a new wife? (Not that the old is bad, but why not check out other possibilities).

Or in the backwards order? And then I will have new thoughts? (I hope there will be place for them in my head and I won't have headaches).

I sat there wondering which new will come first into my life now.

 

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Reviewed by Georg Mateos 5/17/2009
This story should have been illustrated by Magritte!
A fabulous way to take feminine absurdity to a degree for men to understand none of it!
Good going.

Georg


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