Thursday, June 11, 2009, Nashville, TN., 10:16 a.m.~

Dear Journal~

Johnathon here.  I know I just wrote; however, I feel I need to get something off my chest before it kills me or eats me alive (whichever comes first).

Seems that ever since I said something to Rebekkah, she's been avoiding me; if I try to talk to her, via computer (chat) or by phone, she hangs up or disconnects.  I don't know what I said to her; I don't think I've done (or said) anything that could have been off color.

I wouldn't put it past her to tell others what a creepazoid I'm being.  Well, if she thinks that I am that bad, then I don't want to have anything to do with anybody; I'm better off being by myself.  Seems that all I do is bring people down.

All I did was write in my journal.  All I mentioned that how skinny I was; I wasn't making any references to Jewish people.  I just said I looked like a concentration camp survivor.  Nothing more, nothing less.  I wasn't being anti-Jewish in my statement; I was just saying how I appeared.  If you ask me, I think she's blowing this way out of proportion!

I have decided that I am not going to post anything for a while; maybe it's better for people that I just disappear.  It seems that nobody cares whether I live or die.  So why even bother anyone with my problems?  I can't help the way I am; I'm just a kid going through some serious struggles now, and if people don't want to read (hear) about them, then screw 'em!  I don't need any more crap in my life; my life is nothing but one big, long bathroom break as it is!

I've tried to be a good friend to Rebekkah.  I've tried to be there when she was going through things.  If she's going to treat me like yesterday's welcome mat, then to hell with her; I don't need her, or anyone else, in my life, not even God! 

I sometimes think that God no longer cares about me.  Maybe it's His way of punishing me, to tell me what a shithead I've been!

I don't know what I am going to do any more.  I think I am going to have to do some serious thinking to see what I can do about this, or if I want to continue my relationship with Rebekkah because right now it's going nowhere fast!  I sometimes think I would have been better off without her, or any friends, in my life!

Maybe I was destined to be miserable!  Maybe I was destined to be life's punching bag because I've sure been thrown to the curb enough now as it is!

I guess people think that my stupid MD must be affecting my thinking processes because they think I am not acting right.  Well, if that's the case, maybe I ought to ask mama to take me to the looney bin before I poison anyone else with my presence!  Guess I'd be better off being put away and forgotten about!

If you don't hear from me again, I hope you get over it and go on with your lives; I don't need to be a misery-causing splinter in your world!  I've had it with life; so long!

~Johnny.  :(  >tears!<