Friday, June 12, 2009, Nashville, TN., 9:22 a.m., D.S.T.~

Dear Journal~

Ronee' Reaux here.  Hope this finds y'all well; I'm afraid I'm not doing my best.  And it's all because of my brother, Johnny.

I'm scared that he may try to do something to hurt hmself.  He has been having a hard time of it lately, and a few days ago, he went into a big, blue funk; since then, I have hardly seen hide nor hair of him.

I guess Rebekkah got mad at him for something he'd written in a previous journal or e-mail entry; now the two aren't talking to one another.  The anger between the two of them is so thick it could be cut with a knife.

I pray Johnny doesn't do something stupid like try to end his life; I don't know what I would do if I were to lose my brother like that!!  I'd probably go crazy!!!!

I know Johnny has it tough with his MD getting worse, but taking your life because you can't deal with it is so pointless!  He still has some good years left; he just has to give life a chance!  He's also got to put his trust in God; right now, though, I don't think he wants to even believe in Him.  Every time we try to talk to him, he just slams the door in our faces and tells us to go away, leave him alone.

It's very frustrating.

I know maman is with Kendra right now, helping with Holly as she recovers from her latest hospital stay (and now with Maddie; she fell and now has to stay in her wheelchair for a while); she has enough on her plate; we don't need to burden her with what's going on with Johnny.

Yet we feel we should let her know what is going on; I think she ought to seriously consider counseling for Johnny because right now he needs a lot of emotional help!!

I'm caught in the middle, and I don't like being the go-between like this!!

If we were only at the CMA Music Festival, none of this stuff would be happening!  Oh, why did maman have to throw away those tickets?  We could have gone!!!  I was supposed to perform there and everything (as was Johnny); now the CMA people probably thinkin' we're pullin' a "no-show Jones"!  (In his younger days, George Jones would miss shows because he'd go on a bender; people started calling him "no-show Jones".)

I doubt we'll ever get to be asked to sing at the CMA Music Festival ever again!  I only hope daddy explained the crisis we are facing, so they know that missing the show was NOT intentional!!  If we could, we would have been there!!

People seem to think that it is mainly Johnny's fault.  Maybe it is, but what people fail to understand is my brother is dying.  His health has gotten worse; any number of things could cause him to go into a medical crisis, and he'd end up in the hospital again.  Now his mind's preoccupied with things, and it's not a very good spot to be in!

I don't see anything wrong with my brother.  He's just facing some horrible life's circumstances that he has no control over, and he's having a very hard time dealing with it.  I just wish people'd lay off of him and let him have his space; or at least support him; he needs all the help/support he can get!!

Well, I am going to go.  I was going to practice my accordion, but I am going to put it up; don't need to be reminded of missing out at the CMA Festival!  What good is it to practice if I am not even performing there??  It's ludicrous!!  I am then going outside, cool my thoughts; I need some time by myself to think, to see what I can do to help my brother through this depression!

Just say a prayer for him, or better yet, say a prayer for all of us!  We could really use a miracle here!!!!  I'd appreciate it!

Thanks!

~Love, your upset Cajun friend in Tennessee, Ronee' Le-Anne Reaux.  :(  *tears*