"Waiting to Exhale"

A yellow leaf floats gently, suspended on a breeze, I watch, as  you take your leave... I never thought that would be, my last vision of you... and it still haunts me.  Years have come and gone, yet it seems like only yesterday, that you drove away.  I replay those last moments in my mind, over and over, looking for some sign of what was about to happen; but there was none. No epiphany, no moment of great understanding nor clarity, no clue or insight as to why... Who could have known that you would vanish, disappear without trace for all those years. Now a chill wind blows outside my door; so many nights of walking the floor, wondering where you are...
I light a cigarette, take a long draw, inhale deeply, then reach for the bottle of whiskey, that I keep in my desk. Waiting to exhale...
It'll be another one of those days, that I won't pass the test; my life's become such a freaking mess. Still sitting here, trying to feather this empty nest...
What happened? Where did you go? After all those years of watching you grow, I just simply wanted to know... That's all I've ever asked. Where did I go wrong? Did I let you down, or did I simply cease to matter anymore?  I miss you so much…
I miss your voice and a simple touch, of your hand. Watching you fall, but always land on your feet... You took my breath away! I never would have dreamed, that one day, you would simply drive away, leaving your life behind...
The rap upon my door, so unexpected, that I nearly jump out of my skin. Some big detective, seeking next of kin.  No it can't be! You have the wrong address you see... I know that it can't be me that you are looking for; because, after all those years of walking the floor. I have come to accept that you would never be coming home. Why now is he asking me to identify remains, some articles of clothing, yes that was the make of your vehicle... Please, Sir. Can you give me just a moment, to collect my thoughts.... I'll be right on down.... yes sir, I know where to go....
I light a cigarette, take a deep, long draw, and inhale deeply. Then reach for the bottle of whiskey, waiting to exhale…