“How much further?” I puffed. “Surely we must be nearly there.”

            “I don’t think there’s far to go now.” James’ reassuring voice echoed from somewhere up ahead.

            Pausing to catch my breath, I recalled the notice at the entrance of the tower. Three hundred and twenty five steps! I must be mad. At my age, I should have more sense than to attempt to climb to the top of the Cathedral Tower.

            And to think I actually paid good money for this! Why, at this very moment, I could be sitting outside the local pub, raising a glass of gin and tonic to all those foolhardy enough to climb the tower steps.

            “Are you alright?” James interrupted my thoughts. There was a note of concern in his voice. “We could always turn back if you’re unsure.”

            Not likely! This was a challenge and having come this far, I wasn’t about to give up now. I sighed, suddenly remembering how I had turned down a whole series of challenges over the last few months. What was so important about this one? Why was I punishing myself like this? And, come to think of it, what did I mean, ‘at my age’? I wasn’t that old – just a little unfit! All right! On reflection, a lot unfit – but who’s counting?

            “Ellen! Answer me! Are you alright?” There was now a hint of urgency in James’ voice. “I’ll come down!”

            “No! I’m fine.” I called out. I tried to sound matter of fact. I didn’t want him to hear me wheezing. “I’m just taking a breather. You carry on; once I get my second wind, I’ll catch up and race you to the top.”

            I grimaced. I knew that was never going to happen. Apart from there being no room, I was in no state to race anyone anywhere. James probably knew it too. But I guessed he was too much of a gentleman to say so.

            I shook my head, how could I even pretend to guess what James was like? In actual fact, I didn’t know him at all. This outing had been organised by a group I had joined recently. James was our regional representative and I had only met him very briefly once before. Still, he seemed like a nice guy.

            Today was supposed to be a fun day out: a sort of handshake event with members from a fellow organization in the next county. So far it had worked well; everyone was keen to make new friends. Together, James and Mike, the other representative, had planned the whole thing. Though truthfully, this climb to the top of the tower hadn’t been on their agenda. That rather foolish idea had been mine alone.

            I recalled the next stop was lunch in the Cathedral café, after which, we were all going on a boat trip down the river. Now that was something I was looking forward to. I could already see myself lounging back in my seat, listening to the water as it rippled past the boat. I glanced up the stone steps and frowned. But first I had to get to the top of these wretched stairs.

            Taking a deep breath, I forced my legs to move on, only to find I had to stop again as another group of people were coming down. This was the most terrifying part of the whole experience. The spiral stairs were not only steep, but also extremely narrow. There was hardly room for one person, yet people already having been to the top, were making their way down.

            “You still have some way to go,” the first one told me, jovially.

            Giving him a sickly smile, I gripped the metal handrail and pushed myself against the cold, stone wall, while he and about half a dozen others very gingerly squeezed past. Obviously when building the tower, the monks hadn’t thought of making another staircase for those wishing to go down.

            But back then, how many would have wanted to climb up here anyway? They probably had more sense than to drag themselves up all these stairs on a regular basis. Only those serving a penance would have been forced to climb up here to check that the roof and parapet were in good repair.

            Then, just as a lady struggled to heave her rather large frame around me, I had another thought. Very shortly I would have to go through the whole procedure again on the way down. Only this time, those coming up would be holding the rail and it would be my turn to balance myself on the narrower edge of the steps.

            I felt my heart do a kind of somersault and I swallowed hard. It was no good; I couldn’t do it. Once I got to the top, I would have to stay up there until the man at the bottom called ‘time’ and realised there was still one person missing. He and his colleagues would then have to figure out a suitable way of getting me down.

            But how would he know I was up there? Then I remembered he was using an abacus; checking people off as they went up and came down. Yet what if he was distracted and forgot to slide one of the beads along the row? Even worse, someone playing a joke might turn the thing around and throw his whole system into confusion. I wiped my brow; I was letting my imagination run away with me. Of course James would tell them of my predicament.

            I began to climb the steps again. Round and round they went. Would they never come to an end? How much more could my poor legs take? I paused to take another breather.

            “I can see daylight,” James called down, joyously.

            “Good for you!” I murmured, slumping onto the stone steps. If this had been a bus, I could have rung the bell and jumped off long ago. No one would have noticed; it happened all the time. None of the other passengers knew how far anyone was travelling. But here it was different; there was only one stop, so to speak. Everyone would know I was admitting defeat.

            Yet something nagged at me. If I really wanted go back, I would have done so before coming this far. For some reason, getting to the top had become an obsession.    

            “Did you hear?” James tried again. “I said I could see daylight.”

            “Great news!” Still slumped on the stairs, I tried to sound enthusiastic for his sake. After all this wasn’t James’ fault. He had simply volunteered to accompany me. “Keep going. I’m right behind you,” I quipped.

            I couldn’t really get excited; the light he mentioned was probably from a tiny slit, which served as a window in the tower wall. We had come across a one or two of those on the way up. Nevertheless, I suppose I could take another look to see how far I had come. The down side being I would also see how much further I had to climb.

            “I was right! We’ve made it!” James exclaimed, his voice echoed down the winding staircase.

            Who is this ‘we’? I wondered. You’ve made it, James I’m still sitting here wondering if I will ever touch the ground again.

            “Come on, Ellen. The views up here are spectacular; you can see for miles.”

            “I’m coming,” I called out, stumbling to my feet. I still didn’t know how much further I had to go. James’ voice was muffled, making it difficult to tell how far ahead he was.

            Making my way up the steps again, my legs turned to jelly; urging me to stop and give in. Yet I carried on, slowly placing one foot after another, until mercifully I saw the sunlight streaming through the small door leading to the roof of the tower. Almost crying with relief, I crawled on all fours up the remaining steps and tumbled through the doorway into the sunshine.

            “Why did I let you talk me into this, James?” I uttered, staring up at his bewildered face.

            Waving away offers of help, it took me a few moments to regain my dignity. But looking out across the parapet, I was so lost in admiration, all my embarrassment and tiredness drained away.

            The views were stunning. Being such a clear day, I was able to make out landmarks I knew to be several miles away. Below the tower, sprawled the town. From here the shops and houses looked so tiny; reminding me of children’s building blocks. Beyond the winding river, trees and fields in differing shades of green, stretched out like a huge luxurious carpet.

            Tears filled my eyes as I gazed out across the scene. I had been so dreadfully wrong. It wouldn’t have been a penance for those monks to come up here at all. They would have rejoiced at being given the chance to see so wondrous a sight.

            The tears continued to roll down my cheeks, but now they weren’t for the monks. They were for me. Only now did I realise why reaching the top had been so important.

            A few months ago Paul, my husband, had left me for a younger model, a rather flashy blonde. I had been devastated. After all we had meant to each other, how could he have rejected me so cruelly?

            Catching a glimpse of her in his car one day, I wondered what such a vibrant young woman could possibly see in Paul. She looked the sort who liked to party; a jet-setter.

            But Paul wasn’t like that at all. The Paul I knew was a plodder; never having been one for the night-life. So why was she so attracted to him? Then one day a couple of weeks or so after he had left me, I found him in my house looking for money. 

            Naturally I sent him packing and immediately set about changing the locks on the doors. But now I knew what she was after. Having seen Paul’s expensive sports car and the house he lived in, his new girlfriend believed she had hit the jackpot! Well if that was the case, the lady was in for a big surprise. The money belonged to me. It had been left to me by a maiden aunt and neither of them was getting a penny.

            Nevertheless, terribly upset at being tossed aside, I had thrown myself into a fit of despair. Locking myself away, I only left the house when absolutely necessary. So concerned, my friends had invited me to various functions. I knew they meant well, but I had declined their invitations, fearing I would be pointed out as the wife whose husband had forsaken her.

            Then one day, quite out of the blue, I saw an advertisement for a newly formed organization. They were looking for members. On the spur of the moment, I obtained an application form and posted it off; not allowing myself the time to change my mind. At least no one would know me and I didn’t need to explain my failings. As far as the group was concerned, I had never even been married.

            Marvelling the view from the tower roof, I knew now why I had been so determined to complete the challenge. Reaching the top of the tower was my way of hauling myself from the deep pit I had fallen into. And by Jove, it had worked. But also something else had happened. I felt my life had taken on a whole new meaning.

            I now realised I wasn’t a failure at all. I was alive and well and the big wide world out there was waiting for me. Paul had found someone else – so what? If that’s what he wanted, she was welcome to him.

            Yet at the same time one small part of me felt a little sorry for him. I had a feeling that once she found the money had dried up his new romance wouldn’t last. It would be his turn to feel the pain of rejection. Perhaps he would find a challenge of his own. But if he did, would he even take it on, let alone conquer it?

            “Are you alright?” Looking anxious, James was shaking my arm. “I’ve been talking to you, but you seem miles away.”

            “Yes. I’m fine, James.” I smiled. “Really I am.” I paused. “To tell you the truth, I’ve never felt better. Reaching the top has turned my life around.”

            A puzzled expression appeared on his face.

            “Don’t you worry yourself about it,” I said. I held up my camera. “I’ll just take a few photos for my album and then we’ll tackle those stairs again. All that climbing has made me feel quite hungry. What about you?”