I don't know what I am going to do anymore, or whether I should continue to keep on praying.  I don't see anything happening with my mother's status, and the news doctors keep giving me continues to be more and more grave.

Julie here.  I continue to while away the hours here at the hospital while my daddy (papi) handles the younger kids at home.  I could be at home with them; however, I refuse to leave my mom's side, in case she should happen to wake up; I want to be there when (and if this should happen).

Mami is still in critical condition.  Doctors say she has sustained massive brain damage.  They hold no hope for her.  They say if she wakes up, she will be left in a vegetable-like state; she will not be able to do anything for herself; other people would have to care for all of her needs.  She will be like a newborn baby; there are no guarantees as to whether she will ever "come back", or return to where she was before she'd gotten struck.

I think about all that the stupid doctors have told me about my mom, and I can't help but geting madder and madder.  Who do they think they are?  God?  They sure act like it, what with their glib, pompous attitudes; they think they know everything, when, in reality, they don't kow shit!!  I can't stand them; I wish they'd all go to hell!  They sure haven't really done anything for my mom; if they did, my mom would be awake now instead of lying there like a useless lump!

I'm also pissed at that g.d. kid who did this to my family.  While my mom continues to fight for her life, this kid is free, free to wreck yet another person's life.  There's no telling how long this kid has been drinking booze or beer like it's water or if he even realizes the damage he's caused to me and my family!

If I ever see his face, I plan on killing him, or hurting him as badly as he did my mom.

I am trying to hold onto my faith, but lately, it's slipped to a new low.  All of a sudden, I don't want to believe in God anymore.  If He is the God He says He is, He'd let my mom wake up from her coma and keep her from becoming brain damaged or heal her!  So far all He's done is let me down; how can I believe in someone I can't even see or someone who still allows bad things to happen?  I don't call that being a Good God; I call that a Cruel God!!

Well, damnit, I'm crying yet again!!  When are these g.d. tears ever gonna stop?  I've cried so much it's a wonder I'm not all rusty inside!  I will write in here again in a few days, sooner, if anything changes; I just wanted to let y'all know how my mom is doing.  As you can see, things remain about the same.  No change.  I'm really getting frustrated; I wish something would happen, preferably, something good, to where she'd wake up!  I really hate my mom lookin' like a dead corpse in that bed,  hooked up to God knows what!  It's horrible seeing her like that!!

~Julie Jessika Torres.  :(  >tears!<

*To be continued.*