Aasha Singh here. Hope this finds you well; as for us, we are coping--barely, but able to do so. Thought another family Singh update was in order, so here goes.
Our daughter, Vida Chunarum, continues to fascinate, delight us. She is now taking computer classes at university, and has expressed a desire to go to university when she is a little older. She is incredibly smart, so much, in fact, we are clearly thinking of having her placed in a school for gifted children.
She is ten, but is going on twenty, perhaps 30. LOL
Our other child, Sanjeet Raneesh, who is five, however, continues to be a paradox to our otherwise normal life. He continues to exist (but barely so). He is unable to do even the simplest things; he is severely brain damaged from an accidental hanging and requires 24-hour nursing care. We are still waiting to hear from a nursing facility, to see if they will take him.
We have tried to be there for him, take care of him; there aren't enough hours in a day to try to care for his needs, let alone, our other child, and each other. The demands that Sanjeet has put upon our family have been nothing short of extraordinary. He is the cause of stress, strife, mayhem; Manjeet and I are always at each other's throats regarding our son.
It is a horrible way to live; I wouldn't wish it upon anyone!
I am not thinking of killing him, although the thought has crossed my mind more than once. Sanjeet is barely alive in the physical, mental realm. He is utterly helpless; doctors still don't hold any promises for him, regarding any chance of him regaining any functions he lost after the accident.
I am trying to make sense over what has happened, even nearly two years later. I still blame myself for what happened; I should have been there for him and not at the store! I think if I had been home, I could have prevented him from injuring himself; I must be a terrible mother; this must be my punishment for not being there to protect Sanjeet!
Now that the second anniversary of "The Hanging" is quickly approaching, I am once again consumed by guilt, shame, flashbacks that threaten sleep. I can't close my eyes for I still see Sanjeet lying unconscious in a hospital bed, tubes keeping him alive, and still hearing the doctors' grim prognoses for recovery. I find myself snapping at Vida because she is healthy, and I find myself yelling at my husband because he didn't do a good enough job in preventing this from occurring.
People tell me I should go to counselling; maybe so, but what good would it do? I am trying to let the memories go, but they keep coming back. They. Keep. On. Coming. Back!!!!
With the second anniversary coming, the memories have only intensified. I haven't slept good in several weeks; I am so exhausted I can barely function! And Manjeet, he is at work all of the time, so I am often the one left alone with the children. And guess which one takes up my time. Yes, Sanjeet. Poor Vida, meanwhile, is often left pushed aside like a discarded child's plaything; I am sure she feels anger, jealously, resentment towards me and her little brother because he takes away time I could otherwise be spending with her.
I haven't heard from that woman in Tennessee. I guess she figured out that I meant to call the police if she bothered me again with her religious platitudes, so at least I don't have that hanging over my head. Worrying about Sanjeet's future or the future of the rest of us is bad enough; I certainly don't need religious crackpots bothering me as well!
The weather here has been hot most days. We are in need of rain here; ground, lakes drying up. Everything is becoming parched; if we don't get rain soon, the city may have to start restricting our water usage. And the electric bills can certainly be counted on to increase sharply, along with the ever rising temperatures.
It reminds me a lot of India. India is often hot and dry; or else we get monsoons, with massive flooding. There is no happy medium there. And there certainly appears to be no happy medium here in California, either.
Well, it is time to hook Sanjeet up to his pump so he can "eat" his "supper", and it's also time I put out our supper, meaning the rest of us. We are then going to go to the mall for a few hours while the respite care team comes to spend time with Sanjeet so we can get away, even if only temporarily. We are looking forward to it; we need this break from our child! Until later, this is Aasha Singh saying goodbye for now! I will write again in a few months with another update, or perhaps sooner, if anything changes.
~With best regards, Aasha. :)
