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Before leaving Ningpo, Ayaou and Robert had a heartbreaking separation.
“Ayaou, can’t you understand? This is my job. This is how I earn the money that pays for everything we have—even the food we eat.”
She sat with her back to him. Every time he walked around to look into her eyes, she turned away. He gave up attempting to talk to her face. It was tearing him up to see her face twisting itself into a dishrag of misery.
“You are going to leave me as Shao-mei did,” Ayaou said. “I have heard talk of Canton and the fighting in the south. It is safer here. Everyone is a stranger there. Tell them you don’t want the job in Canton. Stay in Ningpo. If you love me, you will leave this job with the British consulate and go live in a cave. You can work the fields so we have rice and yams. I’ll sew and cook and keep the cave clean.”
“I’m not going to abandon you, and I’m not going to live in a cave.”
“Then you don’t love me as you keep saying. You are liar.”
“I told you more than once that after I settle in Canton, I will send for you and Guan-jiah.”
“Guan-jiah!” She spit the eunuch’s name out as if it was the pit from a rotten fruit. “I don’t want to live with strangers.”
“Who else is there to live with?” he said. “Your father has taken his family and gone to Macao to live with Uncle Bark and his son. They had to go so Ward wouldn’t hunt them down. There’s no one here for you to live with but my servant and his family. We’re lucky they are willing to take you in.”
“Ha,” she said. “You are paying them. I will be an orphan. I do not believe I will ever hear your voice or feel your touch again. I am destined to sleep alone on a bed of dry rice and pebbles. I will become a virgin again. I will shrivel and blow away with the next monsoon.”
“Stop, Ayaou!” he said. “I can’t take this. No more complaints. I should take Guan-jiah’s advice and beat you.”
She stared at him. With the backs of her hands, she wiped away her tears. “You will really beat me?” It was as if he had poured hope into her.
“Yes, I will,” he replied, not sure where this was going.
“Then you do love me.” She threw herself into his arms. “Only a man who is willing to beat his concubine will keep her. The man who doesn’t care will ignore her like she was a shoe with a hole in it.” She pushed away and stepped back out of reach. Her eyes narrowed into slits. “You just said that to give me hope. Guan-jiah instructed you to threaten me, so I would feel better.”
“No—a thousand times no!” It was frustrating. He didn’t know what was coming next.
“So, why are you not hitting me?” She put her hands on her hips. “You are lying.”
Robert couldn’t believe it. She wanted him to hit her. He stepped forward and pushed her shoulder. She rocked back on her feet. Her face dissolved into misery. Tears flowed. “I knew you did not love me.” She wailed. “That was not a blow. That was a breath of dead air. Our love has drowned in the river.”
Robert grabbed her and sat on the bed. He pulled her onto his lap and turned her so her back faced him. With an open palm, he spanked her as hard as he could. He kept at it until she cried from the pain
.
He shoved her off his lap. She hit the floor with a thud. She rolled over and stared at him. Her mouth was hanging open.
“How much love does that add up to?” he said. “Tell me, was that enough to convince you I’m going to send for you? That we will be together again in Canton.”
She rubbed her bottom. “I do not know if I will be able to sit for a week. It will hurt to walk. I am going to have to hobble around like someone with bound feet.”
“It hurts doesn’t it?”
She nodded. There were no more tears. Her eyes were wide and unblinking. She looked stunned.
“Good, if you complain again about my going away and vanishing and not loving you, I’ll beat you until you are covered in black and blue bruises. If that’s what it takes to get you to see that I’m telling you the truth, I’ll do it.”
“Robert, I do not speak Cantonese and most Cantonese do not speak Mandarin or any of the northern dialects. I’m going to be nobody in Canton—a person no one will hear or see or talk to. I’ll be a lonely ghost.”
“You have nothing to worry about. Our love is strong like the love between Niu Lang and Zhi Nu.” He was referring to a romantic allegory that had been in China for almost two thousand years since the Chin Dynasty. “You know what I’m talking about. We’ve read the Fairy of the Magpie Bridge and talked about it.”
“Yes, I know that poem,” she said, and recited it.
“In the middle of the lovely clouds,
above the heavenly river,
crosses the weaving maiden.
A night of being together again,
crossing the sky of autumn.
Exceeds joy on earth.
Moments of tender love and dreams,
so sad to leave the magpie bridge.”
“Do you remember who wrote it?” he asked.
“Yes,” she said, “Qin Guan during the Song Dynasty.” Tears escaped from her eyes. Her chest heaved. “I do not have a magical cowhide that will carry me to you.” She stopped to catch her breath between sobs. “And even if I did, the Queen of Heaven would draw a line across the sky to keep us apart. We could only meet once a year on the seventh day of the seventh lunar month.”
“We aren’t Niu Lang and Zhi Nu, Ayaou. We are both mortals. Zhi Nu was a fairy and you are not a fairy. You are human. The Queen of Heaven will not keep us apart. I only mentioned the poem because the love Niu Lang and Zhi Nu have for each other equals ours. It is eternal.”
“I still cannot speak Cantonese. That will be the line separating us. You will forget your Mandarin.”
“Not true , Ayaou. I will not forget Mandarin. We will speak it daily. I also taught you to read and write.”
“But I cannot go shopping. No one will understand me.”
“Guan-jiah assures me he can make himself understood in Cantonese and understands more than he can speak. When you shop, Guan-jiah will go with you. Besides, I don’t want you out of the house alone. Everything will be okay. You have family in Macao less than a hundred miles from Canton. I’m sure that Chou-luk will come to visit when the fighting subsides.”
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Links to Reviews for "Our Hart"
Honorable Mention in General Fiction
