Monday, July 20, 2009,  10:54 a.m., P.T.~

Dear Journal~

Terri Ruth Ben Ami here.  Sorry I haven't written in a while; with a husband and two extremely active litttle boys to care for, it seems I don't have enough hours in a day at times.  I hope you understand.

I really haven't done much other than care for my family and see my grief counsellor once a week.  She's been giving me ideas to help me past the pain of losing our only daughter, Nashi, who died back in March; she was only nine years old.

This journal is one of her many suggestions.  She also suggested that I talk to others about what it is like to lose a child or raise a child with multiple disabilities.  It was hard at first, but little by little, it's getting a bit easier.  In addition, she also suggested that I continue with the foundation, Nashi's Miracle, that I started for parents who are (or were) facing the same thing I went through when my daughter was alive.

At times it is still difficult to think of the pain my daughter went through.  I still miss her terribly, and I know her brothers do too; they ask about her from time to time and get sad.  I know her daddy misses her; she had him wrapped around his little finger; the two of them were the best of friends. 

 Nashi now flies amongst the angels.  Happy.  Healthy.  Whole.  To think that she sees, speaks, runs around like any other child makes me smile.  I just wish she had these opportunities here on Earth; it wasn't meant to be; because of her death, I can reach out, help others, and it is a blessing in disquise.  I also have my own personal guardian angel who lives on in me, through the foundation I've started, and in memories from family, friends, or those who were touched by her and her story.

I am sorry my daughter died; however, I am glad she is finally at peace.  She is no longer suffering, and we can do things as a normal family again, without time constraints or demands of caring for someone who was severely handicapped. 

We have since applied to adopt a second child.  A little boy.  A little boy from India whom we will call Mordechai Daniel.  We know we will wait at least several months before we hear anything but we remain hopeful that this will come to pass.  We don't care if he's healthy or has special needs:  as long as there's a child out there who needs a family and/or a home, we will be more than happy to provide that need for him.

We do want a little girl, but we don't want to replace the memories we have of Nashi.  A little girl would be great.  Boys are, too; that's why we adopted Wallace last year.  He continues to be a joy to us.

Maybe we will end up with a little girl in addition to a little boy; who knows?  Only Yeshua knows; it's up to Him what He wants to do to bless us.

Well, I am sorry I have to go; phone is ringing, and Wallace and Hy are fighting (again!).  I will write in here again soon; until then, this is Terri saying Yeshua bless and thanks for reading my ramblings!  Have a great day!

~Love, your friend in Cali, Terri Ruth Ben Ami.  :)

*To be continued.*