My name is M'buti A. Sormiento, and I am doing more musings here.
I still don't understand why people see me as pretty or beautiful when I am so ~UGLY~. I see myself every day in the mirror, and all I see is this horrible, skinny woman who looks a thousand years old. I am only in my 20's, but I look more like an old person. I have wrinkles on my face, and I look like I am about to die. My face is all pale, and my cheekbones, ribs, and knees really stand out; I look as though I am starving halfway to death, and I also look like one of those people who are dying of ukimwi (AIDS). I also have these ~HORRIBLE BURN MARKS~ on my body, and I wear these ~BRACES~ on my legs and walk with ~STICKS~ or a walk-er or use a wheel chair. My legs look like a ~SIMBA~ got a hold of them; they are all messed up, and I am nothing but a stupid, crippled ~BITCH~ who is no good to her husband; I can't even care for him or for my son; ROBERTO ends up having to do ~EVERYTHING~ for me because I feel so sick or so bad a lot of the time!!
~WHY~ does HE EVEN ~PUT UP WITH ME~? I am nothing but a ~GIANT~ pain in the ~ASS!~
Whenever I go outside, people ~STARE~ at me, and they make comments, ~NASTY~ comments that hurt me. Instead of saying how good I look they ~ALWAYS~ have to comment on how "BAD I LOOK" or ask me if I have "slim disease" or cancer. It really makes me feel bad, and then people wonder ~WHY~ I have such a poor self-image of myself.
My husband and my friends say I am beautiful on the inside and on the outside; but I tell them they must have rocks for brains because I ~DON'T~ think this is true !! I then get mad and call them ~SMELLY DOGS~ or worse, and I tell them their minds are made of ~DOG SHIT!~ HOW can they call me ~BEAUTIFUL~ when I am feeling so ~UGLY~????
It doesn't seem right, and it ~DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE~!!!!!
worth reading... life is not what u want it to be... its what u get...but always try to make the best out of it.. good write..
Reviewed by Masarat Daud
8/8/2002
You portrayed the agony well here Karen. We don't always get those amazing perfect nose and shape of the face like we desire. Sometimes we have to settle for less...but hell, at least our eyes can see...and they all work fine. People on the outside tend to make us more conscious of it...and I don't think we should quite fall for it coz we start losing our identity. We try to be what others want. Well I would suggest piling up weight (ask me for more details, weight gain in one week GUARANTEED! lol)...and dont worry abt being crippled. It's you and just love you for who you are.
Always wonderful reading you coz you move close to reality. Take care gurl and hugs to Karla as well.
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