Thursday, September 24, 2009,  5:27 a.m., P.T.~

Dear Journal~

Terri Ruth here.  Sorry if I haven't written:  seems that since Mordechai and Alyssa have arrived, I'm busier now, more than ever.  Some days it's so bad I barely have enough time to go to the bathroom!  LOL

Mordechai has his surgery on the 16th of next month.  Just a few short weeks from now.  I'm getting scared; he's so little!  I know they say that they can do wonders, but what if something happens?  What if one slip of the knife leaves Mordechai ruined for life?  I don't think I could handle it, not after what I'd gone through with Nashi!

I'm happy to say Alyssa and Mordi have both remained healthy.  I pray this continues.  Also, Wallace has remained well; our last remaining child, Hyman, on the other hand, had the flu last week.  I thought it was the swine flu; thank God it was only a form of the stomach flu.  He got over it; he was very sick the first few days.

He nearly got dehydrated; we took him to the emergency clinic to get fluids; he did not enjoy the doctor poking around on his arm, trying to locate a vein, so he could insert an IV line.  He cried.  He screamed.  And mommy nearly fell apart!  LOL

Once the IV was in, then he was okay; it was just the doctor trying to locate a vein that was so traumatic.  He tried at least five different times; it was really bad!

Once the meds started flowing through his body, Hyman got very sleepy, and he slept heavily for the next day, day and a half.  When he awoke, he felt better, much to my relief.

Well, Tovah is no longer working.  His place of employment laid off some workers; he was one of those laid off.  So now he is home with me.  Actually that is kind of nice, but until his unemployment kicks in, what are we going to do for finances, especially now, what with Hy's recent EC visit or Mordechai's upcoming mouth surgery??

We will have to do a lot of heavy duty praying to Yeshua!!

It's been really warm here where we live.  Temps in the nineties, even 100's.  The calendar might say it's fall; try telling that to us here in (baked) California!  You've heard of baked Alaska, right?  Well, now you have baked California!  The weather here has been horrid lately; I don't do heat very well!

I have been depressed lately:  thinking of Nashi.  It may have been six months since she died; it feels more like yesterday.  I still miss her as badly as I did when she first died.  I miss holding her in my arms, hearing her precious little giggle, kissing her soft cheeks, stroking her long, thick dark hair with my fingers. 

I'm also thinking of her more lately because she would have been ten years old in December.  She didn't quite make it.  She was only nine years and three months old when she died of Canavan disease. 

I don't know why God allowed her to be born with this devastating condition.  He did, though; despite the circumstances, we tried to make her life a happy one.  I think we succeeded:  Nashi lived five years longer than doctors predicted; we must have done something right.

 Still, it isn't easy when a child dies, no matter how much you prepare ahead of time; it is one of the worst things that can ever happen to a parent!

It won't be the same when we celebrate Chanukah without Nashi!  It will be a most sad holiday for us!  And Christmas will be even worse!  We are not looking forward to Thanksgiving, Chaunukah, OR Christmas this year, not without Nashi being a part of it!!

I'm just glad we have our remaining children; it's just not the same, however, without Nashi being a part of our lives!  Oh, she still lives inside of us (plus we have the memories), but we still miss her so much!!  The pain still runs deep; there are days where we can't talk about her without falling completely apart!

Well, I've managed to make myself cry again, so I am going to go.  I will write in here again soon; until then, this is Terri saying Yeshua bless!  Keep us in your prayers; we really could use a miracle, what with Mordechai's mouth surgery quickly approaching!  And with Tovah losing his job; pray for a financial blessing; we would greatly apperciate it!

Thanks in advance!

~Love, your friend, Terri Ruth Ben Ami.  :(

*to be continued.*