October.6.09~

Dear Diary~

This is my first attempt at doing something like this.  I am not very good at writing my feelings down.  Please forgive me if I sound stupid.

My name's Chloe Zade Greathouse.  I am 15 years old.  I live in a very small town in West Virginia with my family. 

I am also disabled.  I have cerebral palsy (CP).  Because of it, I don't talk well, and I use a wheelchair. 

I can't walk.  Never have, never will.

I go to a normal high school, but I am in Special Needs Class.  I am slower in my learning, so I need extra help. It's embarrassing because the other kids make fun of me.

They call me "retarded" or "stupid"; I already feel bad about myself, so why even make me feel worse than I already do?

I've never had a boy ask me out on a date, and I've never had any friends over for a sleepover.  I've never had a birthday party, and I've never had anyone tell me they wanted to be my friend.

I guess my wheelchair or my slowness makes people uncomfortable.  In addition,  I drool and I need help eating; my brain won't allow me to do things with my hands, like brush my hair, brush my teeth, or feed myself.  I even need help in getting dressed or getting to the bathroom.  It's a terrible way to live!!

Sometimes I feel like I am the only one with CP.  I know nothing could be further from the truth, but in my school,  I'm the only one.  There's another kid in a wheelchair like me, but he has muscular dystrophy; that's something different than what I have; it's not the same thing.

He gets teased by the kids too.  His name's George.  I'd like to become his friend, show him I care for him, but I am too shy; I hate speaking in front of people 'cause it takes me such a long time to try to get the words come out right.  So I don't even bother.  I just keep to myself.

Because of my CP,  I don't get out much unless it's to go to school.  Otherwise,  I just stay home.  There's not much to do here in my little bitty town.  All the big stuff is in Wheeling, which is two hours away from here.  It's a real boring place, my town!!

I do have a nice family, though.  They try their best to take care of me.  They are very patient with me, even when I am being difficult, which I appreciate.  I have my mama and daddy, and my big brother, Clark, who's seventeen.  I also have two little sisters,  Erinn, who is ten, and Abigayle, who is twelve.  I'm stuck right in the middle.

I'm also the only one who was born with a disability.  None of my other family members are disabled; they are perfectly fine. 

Do I ever get jealous of them?  All the time! 

They can run, walk, speak, feed (and dress) themselves, and do so much more.   I can't.  All I can do is have other people take care of me.  I can talk, but it takes effort, and I hate having other people to take care of most of my needs, like I was a big baby or something!!

I also hate having a slow mind.  I can read, just not that good.  I read at the level of a grade schooler (first grade).  This is one reason (out of many) why I get teased.

I hate getting teased.  Teasing's for grade school, not for junior or senior high school! Even some adults who mean well think I am stupid because of the way I am, and it really bugs me.  Sometimes the teasing gets so bad I get terrible stomach aches, and I sometimes throw up.  I guess it's nerves.  A lot of the time, I come home from school in tears.

It's a horrible thing to have to go through!! 

Well,  I have to go.  It's nearly supper time; we always have supper about this time.  I will write in here again another day.  Until then, this is Chloe Zade saying bye-bye!  Pray that I get a friend soon or that the teasing stops; I don't think I can take too much more of this!!

~Love, your new friend, Chloe Zade, aged 15.  :(  *tears*

*to be continued.*