Every time I look at my son, I can't help but feel a twinge of guilt.

Up until four years ago, my son was in perfect health.  Able to walk.  Run.  Talk.  Eat.  Be a normal child.  Now just four years later, Randy, at the age of eight, is unable to do any of these things.  And all because I took him to the doctor for a flu shot.

If I had known that the shot would cause this, I wouldn't have taken him.  Maybe it would have been better had he not gotten the shot at all.

Now he runs the risk of getting this swine flu, which is hitting kids and young people especially hard.  All I can do is try to keep him as healthy as I possibly can and have him stay away from large crowds.

Randy is in a wheelchair, unable to do the simplest things.  He's also blind.  I have to bathe him.  Feed him (via a tube in his stomach) five times a day.  Give him his meds every four hours to relieve seizures, muscle spasms, acid reflux, and other issues.  Even change his diapers, as though he were a baby.

People think he was born like this.  It isn't the truth.  My doctor gave him a shot; it left him brain damaged because he was allergic to the shot (the egg products), when eggs had never bothered him before.  I personally think it was something else, though I can't really prove it.

Meanwhile, my son is now damaged for life, and my doctor is still in practice. 

I am working now with a lawyer to sue this doctor (I haven't been back to him ever since this happened; I don't know why I still keep calling him "my doctor"!) and have his medical license revoked for all the mental/physical anguish he's caused me (and my son).

I was working; I had to give that up, so I could become Randy's full-time caretaker.  That, on top of caring for a six-year-old daughter, who doesn't really understand why her "big" brother can no longer play with her.  She sometimes gets mad at him because of how he is, which beaks my heart, each and every time.

I am currently trying to get my son on SSDI.  The stupid people keep denying him, saying "he isn't disabled enough"!  The child cannot walk, see, talk, or do anything for himself except sit in his wheelchair, shit his diapers, and drool or make noises! 

The kid isn't able to function like a normal child; most of the time he is unaware of what is happening to him or what is going on around him!  He can't even put his arms around me and tell he that he loves me!!  He is totally helpless!

How asinine can some people be??  How can they deny him his SSDI when all they have to do is see how disabled he is??  It's beyond ridiculous!!

When my son gets sick, it is always the worst for me.  I have to deal with doctors who act like they're God, or put up with medical beaurocrats who threaten me with repossession of my things because of "nonpayment of past bills". 

I am trying to get them paid off, yet I never seem to get ahead:  I'm as much in debt now as I was when I first started paying them off by sending them anywhere from $50.00 to $100.00, depending on whether I get any financial help from family or friends (or even well-meaning strangers).

I hate having him in the hospital.  The nurses are great; it's just those damned doctors.   I also have to sleep on an uncomfortable couch in a room full of noise and people until it's time to see Randy; whoever said you get rest in a hospital obviously hasn't spent any time in one or been a patient!

Angry?  Who wouldn't be??  I just don't understand why some doctors who knowingly cause their patients harm are still in practice.  My son didn't have to suffer like he did!  And I don't have to keep fighting to get my son the justice (or the services/disability income) he rightfully deserves!!  I am tired of the governmental bullshit, and I am tired of being denied disability on my son's behalf!!

People tell me to pray to God.  All the time.  I don't see how I can do this when I or Randy have no hope!  Why even bother??  If God is as good as He says he was, He would heal my son, give my old child back to me!!  He doesn't even care; I've had to wait for His answer to my prayers for over four years now; it's like He isn't even listening!!

Well, shit, I've done made myself cry again.  I am going to go; can hardly see for all the tears falling from my eyes!  I will write in here again; until then, take care and so long!

~Velda Ross, Richmond, Virginia, Randy's mother.  :(  tears*