This is a letter to those who feel obligated to make comments or remarks regarding my children.
Dated: August 14, 2002.
To All Who Question My Abilities as a Mother:
This is Louisiana Sandusky writing. I am sitting here at the computer, writing this note to you all. I am writing because it seems you have a problem with my children. You aren't ready to accept them because of their disabilities, and this hurts me down deep inside more than you may ever realize. My children are human beings, too, and they deserve to be accepted and loved, just as much as any child.
God didn't want to make them have disabilities, but He did, and He did it for a reason. They are deserving of compassion, and they are deserving to be included in whatever they so choose to do in life. Please don't shun them; they are more aware than you think; they know when people act ugly towards them, and they know when someone hurts them. They are NOT stupid!!
My children are disabled, but they are CHILDREN first and foremost, and all I ask of you all is to treat them with LOVE, RESPECT, COMPASSION, DIGNITY, and UNDERSTANDING. Yes, some of their disabilities may be overwhelming to you, but when I look at them, I DON'T SEE THAT. All I see is a child who needs love and support, and this is how I want you to treat my children when you see them.
I see the stares, I hear the comments; I see how you cringe when you see someone like Jodie or Todd; or even Johnathon. That really rankles me, and as a mother to these three beautiful children, I will ~NOT STAND FOR IT~!! Or I hear you laughing when Ronee' trips, or when Roberto acts up in public. That is WRONG, and I will NOT TOLERATE it AT all!! PLEASE do NOT laugh at MY children!! They are only trying to be themselves, and I want you to give them that opportunity!!
Or you tell me things like "Oh, I can NEVER be a parent to such children; that would be TOO DEPRESSING!" What do you want ME to do? Put them back into the hospitals or institutions or wherever they came from?? What are you trying to prove? Do you ENJOY destroying their sense of self-worth?
Some of these children have been through a living HELL.
Richard nearly died at the hand of his mother when she forced him to drink bleach, and now, as a result, he has a permanent tracheotomy, plus he was horribly abused as an infant and now has obvious emotional and mental problems due to that abuse he suffered. And Deborah languished in horrific conditions in an Iranian orphanage, unloved and unwanted, until she came here to America because of such severe physical handicaps. Ronee' was abandoned by her OWN PARENTS because her parents weren't able to cope with her being born so sick or so premature. She still sometimes cries at night, because she wonders about her real parents, and she feels bad because they didn't take any responsibility to love her or to care for her when she WAS well enough to leave the hospital. And she now has pain and suffers needlessly from it. And as for Johnathon, he HAD a loving grandmother who took him in after his mother had died giving birth to him, but then she died, and Johnny had NOBODY until we took him in as our own; and then we find out that he had a progressive neuromuscular disorder that is slowly, but steadily, robbing him of his muscles--and his life. So, besides losing TWO people he loved at such a young age--he was just a tiny baby when this happened--, he is also now losing his battle for life; and yet, you seem to revel in treating him so badly. WHY?? What did JOHNNY ever do to YOU?? My God, he is just a INNOCENT little child who deserves better in life!!
If you knew what my children have endured in their young lives, you would probably be shocked. Some of what they have had to endure would probably make your hair stand on end if I told you. Some were abused, some were abandoned, and some went through things like wars or civil unrest that forever transformed and changed their lives. It is no wonder some of them cry out at night from reaccuring nightmares that rob them of a good night's sleep--and September 11 certainly didn't help matters.
And some probably even saw their own family members murdered. How do you think that is going to affect them for the rest of their lives? Can you blame their anger or their wanting to act out in such an unreasonable, or inappropriate, manner?
And ~DON'T~ assume that because Bill and I have taken in so many broken children that we AREN'T good parents. We ARE.
We take care of our children, and we make sure they have the basic necessities in life; and we make sure that they have food, shelter, clothes, and most importantly of all, love. And LOTS of it. We want them to feel good about themselves, and we want them to know that we aren't ashamed of them if they fail. If they fail, so what. They won't shrivel up and die. All they have to do is try harder the next time, and eventually, as time goes by, they WILL succeed..GUARANTEED.
Like when Jodie said her first word a few months ago. THAT was nothing but a MIRACLE, and we shall NEVER forget it!! After ten years, she FINALLY said her first word--"Mama"--, and just last week she said her second word: "Daddy". Can you imagine the joy we felt?? The joy we felt was absolutely indiscribable!! She is progressing far and beyond the "limits" placed upon her by neurologists or her doctors, and everyone is pleased and marveled at her accomplishments, even though she is so severely disabled.
This is what makes us parents: our children, and the fact that they have desires, wants, needs, just like YOUR children. They may not achieve things as quickly as "normal" children, but then, WHAT IS "NORMAL"? They have dreams, and they are more like your children than you may realize; their disabilities may hamper them a little, but their disabilities AREN'T going to STOP them from achieving their goals!!
Just GIVE THEM A CHANCE, OKAY????
Thank you for allowing me to vent. I wrote this so you know; and besides, isn't this way better than my having to tell you face to face about how I have been feeling?
With Kindest Regards, and God's Blessings:
Lousiana M. T. Sandusky, Mother to 50 Special-Needs Children.
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Reviewed by Deirdre Barringer
10/9/2002
I'm the mother of a special needs child, and I hate it when people judge him by his behavior, when he cannot help it. People who have not been there just don't understand. thanks for this.
Don't think of the "dis" in the ability rather take the "dis" out of the ability and recite this "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me". Philippians 4:12.
I am disabled myself. I have certain mental and learning disabilities. I know what it is like. However, that which does not kills us makes us st ronger!
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Love,Karissa Anne-
excellent, heartfelt write...the emotions are clearly evident that this mother loves her babies, even though they are not "perfect" in society's eyes...BRAVO!! well crafted! (((HUGS))) and love, karla. :)
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