Ivalo, Finland, 3 December, 2009~

Dear Journal~

Terve!  Miita kuuluu?  Kiitos hyvaa!

It's me, your little Finnish friend, Sari Gustaffssenn-Constantinos.  Hope this finds you well and happy this Christmas season!

We are busy getting our place ready for Christmas.  Tree, Advent candles, lights are all in place, sparkling brightly these long, cold Finnish wintry nights.  It is a most festive time of year; the children are wriggling with anticipation at the thought of Joulupukki ("Santa Claus" in Finnish; it literally means "Yule Buck" in our language) coming to see them with presents for good little ones. 

Nik has been busy putting lighted candles surrounded with mounded snowballs in our yard; that way, if anyone comes calling, they can find their way, even in the darkest of night.  It really looks pretty!

This is my favourite time of year.  Not only because of what Christmas stands for (the birth of Christ), but because we Finns go all out to make Christmas extra special for friends and loved ones.  We go to many Christmas parties and entertain friends/family; there's a lot of togetherness, love, and laughter this special time of year.

The northern lights even get busy with Christmas displays of their own.  They are exceedingly bright as they dance, twirl, and streak across our Arctic skies.  It's like they are joining right in the celebration along with everyone else.

I have gotten the shopping all done; the presents are hidden well from view from busy little ones who are curious to see what good ol' Joulupukki brought for them for Christmas.  I'm a good present-hider.  (I just hope I remember where I hid them come Christmas morning, or the children will think Joulupukki skipped out on them this year!  That would not be good!  LOL)

Even with the snow falling outside, and the outside looking like a magical winter wonderland, the cold weather is murder on my fibromyalgia.  Some mornings I am so locked up in pain it's all I can do to keep from screaming out in agony.  Nik is good at giving me deep-body massages to try to relieve it, or has me sit in the sauna just to get the kinks/aches out.  Then the heat from the sauna makes my MS flare up; it's a neverending battle of frustration on my part.

We have been going from doctor to doctor, to see if there's any medications that can help relieve my MS symptoms, but so far nothing.  I don't write nearly as much as I used to:  for one thing, my eyes have really been acting crazy.  Double-vision or blurriness; some days I am worried I might be struck blind.  Then what will I do?  I cringe at the thought of it ...

I have been using my crutches a lot lately; I should use my scooter or wheelchair more, but the snow makes travel in my chair or scooter impossible; therefore, I usually just resort to the crutches.  I fall sometimes; I'm just thankful for soft landings if I fall in the snow.  So far I haven't injured myself; I pray this continues:  the last thing I need for Christmas is a broken hip or being laid up in bed!

I am now wearing AFO's on my ankles; my ankles are another big issue I'm having.  This is when I hate having MS more than ever!  It surely doesn't help the firbomyalgia whenever I take a spill!  *OW*

I get frustrated because I feel I am cheating Birtta, Erick, and Ilsa Madeleine by being a good mamma to them.  Nik usually takes over caring for the children whenever I am having one of my MS/fibro spells.  He is a very good daddy; I just wish I could say the same as their mother.

Some days I get so depressed over my situation it is all I can do to keep from crying.  I've shed so many tears lately; I'm tired of sobbing like a baby over something I have no control over!

I am going to go.  Nik wants to take me out for dinner.  He knows I have been sad lately (no kidding), and he wants to do something extra special to cheer me up.  He also wants me to see the lights; that usually does the trick.  Maybe we'll even go to Santa Park and see Joulupukki.  I know what I would tell him:  for him to bring me a new body/renewed health for Christmas because I don't like the one I have now. :(

Take care, and may you be blessed in all that you do!  Until later, this is Sari saying Nakemiin!

~Love, your friend in Finland, Sari Annike.  :)