My name is Rica Danielle Talavarez.  I am twenty six years old.  Feel more like ninety.

Ever since they found Esteban's body a few months back, I have no reason to keep on living.  My son was kidnapped; they found his body a few days later.  When I heard the news, I thought I would go insane.

I still have my other child, Esai, but now that Christmas is here, I don't want to have anything to do with it.  Why should I be happy??  I lost my child!!!!

It's bad enough I am homeless, as are my children:  been this way since we lost our house early last year when we got behind on the rent.  Couldn't afford to pay, so we ended up on the street, me and my boys; now we're just existing, day to day, hoping for a handout or for some help.

So far, nothing.  We continue to live out of the trash cans or going through dumpsters, hoping to find something halfway decent to wear (or eat).

I live in Fort Worth, Texas.  On the streets.  I usually sleep near a church or a shelter, in the hopes that someone will help; more often than not, people will ignore us or say that the places are full up.  So then we have to find somewhere else to sleep and pray we don't freeze to death in these cold wintery nights.

That's another thing.  Braving the elements or praying that my remaining child (or I) don't get sick and die of pneumonia.  We can't afford it; bad enough we can't afford to eat or live; how are we gonna pay for a fuckin' doctor????

I keep hoping that someone will give a toy or something new for Esai for Christmas, but people would just as soon as ignore us.  They act as if I or Esai don't even exist.  To them we're nearly invisible.  So why even bother begging??

It would be easier to curl up and die because we don't have anything to live for.

So Merry Fucking Christmas to us.  Christmas to us is but a dream; there ain't gonna be a happy Christmas as long as people kick us to the curb!  We're already down; so why just kick us some more????

I would write more, but I can't see for the tears.  Oh, God, why did my boy Esteban have to go??  He didn't deserve to die!!!  It's just Esai and me against the cold, cruel world!  How can we be happy when our lives have been ripped out from right underneath us????

~Rica.  :(  *Tears!*

*To be continued.*